The Things I Would Have Told Myself

I'm gearing up for a really fun weekend that includes my birthday and latest cabaret, "The Things I Would Have Told Myself".

I often find myself reflecting on the things I've learned on my birthday. I've celebrated quite a few since writing this blog. I still believe in the manifesto I created last year and I'm still trying to figure out all of this grown up stuff.

The show is going to be about all of that, plus the advice I would have shared with myself along the way. I wish I could go back and tell myself that I wouldn't get married in my 20s, offer some sage advice on the people I should (and shouldn't have dated) and share details of the future to my younger self that probably would have made me squeal.

When I moved into my new apartment at the beginning of this year, it marked the start of a new chapter for me. Not only was it the end of my relationship, but it also marked the first time that I've ever lived on my own. I worried that I would get lonely or that I just wouldn't feel comfortable - I wish I would have had the opportunity to do it sooner.

Living in my own space has been such a blessing for me. I love not talking to people. Leaving things in a spot and then returning to find them exactly there. Having friends over. Enjoying a whole fridge to myself and not having to share shelves. Keeping it tidy (or not). Decorating and creating the space that I want to live in. And accumulating a glorious collection of throw pillows on my bed and couch. 

I still think it would be charming to go back and tell my 8 year old self all the things I know now, but the list of lessons learned seems to grow longer as the days and years pass by. I doubt my younger self would have listened to any of this, but it might have been nice to try.

I'm looking forward to spending the weekend with people I adore, enjoying some shenanigans, treating myself to some red wine and cake and having the opportunity to do what I love onstage whilst sharing some innermost thoughts with the crowd.

33, let's do this. 

If you'd like to come celebrate with me on Sunday at 7pm at Club 120 (above 120 Diner), you can get your tickets here.

Before this and after this - Intention setting for 2013

We're drawing close to the end of 2012 and with that comes reflection on the year that has passed, and looking ahead to what is to come. Setting intentions has been a theme in my life over the last few days in things I've been reading (like Meghan's latest blog post) and in a big conversation I had with a group of my girlfriends over the weekend.

It's interesting to me because I've felt like for the last three years that around December I've looked back on the previous 12 months and attributed them to be intertwined with a whole lot of transition. At the beginning of 2012 I felt like I was in a really solid spot - in a job that I loved, a part time job that I felt passionate about, performing a lot, healthy, happy, surrounded by amazing people and about to take a life-changing trip. Now that I can reflect on the year, I can see how much transition I've experienced once again since leaving both of those jobs, having an entire summer off, bouncing around between Toronto, New York, Las Vegas and St. Lucia and having the pleasure (and sometimes pain) of having amazing people come in and out of my life.

Sometimes I feel as though my life should be a movie (hello, Truman Show?) and when I tell people about the things that happen to me they tend to draw that conclusion on their own. I think this has a lot to do with my say yes to life (even though it may devour you) mentality. I try to be incredibly open to whatever experience life throws my way and embrace it as best I can. Sometimes this is absolutely spectacular, and other times it can be really painful, but these collective experiences have made me the person that I am today.

When I was chatting with my girlfriends about what they wanted 2013 to be about for them, I encountered a wide variety of answers: travel, learning, stability. I joked that I wanted 2013 to be "the year that doesn't suck". While I really don't believe that any of my years on this planet have sucked, some have definitely had more challenges than others. Upon further reflection, I've decided to embrace the transition and immeasurable experiences life has thrown me in the last few years and make 2013 the year of Serendipity.

I am going to continue to laugh loudly, dream passionately and love completely, because these qualities have brought me so much joy, wonder, happiness and love into my life. Even the things that have brought me immense sadness have taught me something about life and myself. While embracing serendipity may sound like a passive approach to life, I think I will just continue to go forward with passion, ambition and drive, but really work to enjoy everything else that comes along the way. The year of serendipity will allow me to ease into whatever transition I may encounter and enjoy the happy accidents that come my way.

There is a big project that is already in the works for 2013 that is going to push me emotionally and creatively. I can't wait to share details with you and am already working hard behind the scenes to make it happen. There will be a blog and social media component alongside a performance component and I hope that it will raise awareness and help me to honor someone very special and the impact that they have had on my life. It's going to be amazing.

I saw a quote on Pinterest recently that said "There are moments in life when you realize nothing will ever be the same and time is divided into two parts, before this and after this". I look at the events of the last few years and all of the transition that has occurred and recognize how much that quote resonates with all of that. Everything has brought me to the place I am today and everything that has happened has been a catalyst for other things and people and moments. I have more reflecting to do on 2012, but I am ready for the serendipitous year 2013 is going to be.

What kind of intentions are you setting for 2013?

In With Love, Out With Fear

“We stop breathing when we think things are too hard”

Oh shit. I’m totally not breathing.

I found myself in a really crowded yoga class last night and I just couldn’t get out of my head no matter how hard I tried. It’s been a busy week at work with my new boss starting (she’s pretty awesome) and a million other things going on. I’m still recovering from Vegas (more on that soon) and a bunch of silly little things were getting the best of me. The tears started within the first five minutes of class and I found myself wishing that I was back in St. Lucia, staring at the ceiling of the barn where we had our yoga and meditation practice every morning.

While thankful I was in a yoga class at all, 1,000 thoughts continued to swirl through my head and I definitely was not breathing, maybe because I was trying not to cry too much. I think it was all the stress and worry just flowing out of me. And then I was reminded of my familiar mantra “in with love, out with fear” and took a step back to really reflect on that.

The uneasiness and worry and unnecessary little stresses will pass, I know that.

Goodbye fear.

I have so much love and so many amazing things to be thankful for… wonderful people, great news on Tuesday(!!), a stellar weekend planned, a bunch of auditions… the list goes on.

We all have cranky days and yesterday I had one. I’m not quite sure why. But today I’m focusing on all the love and awesome stuff and leaving the silly, crummy, negative crankiness behind.

And when all else fails, I’ll just imagine that I’m back in St. Lucia.

Here We Go…

On Saturday I led my last Weight Watchers meeting. I’m still in a bit of shock and I’m not sure that it feels real yet.

I’ve been insinuating that change was on its way and this decision is something I’ve been going back and forth on for awhile. I promised myself when I became a leader that the day I stopped loving it would be the day I quit. While I never stopped loving my job, it didn’t feel like the right thing for me anymore. I’m ready to just have two jobs (as an executive assistant and performer) and focus my energy on rocking those two things and also give myself some much needed Ashley time.

I delivered this speech to all 4 of my classes on Wednesday and Saturday:

It is with a heavy heart and mixed emotions that I share the news that I am leaving the Weight Watchers organization.

This journey started for me 6 years ago when I made the decision to lose weight. I lost 30 lbs, but little did I know what a huge impact that my choice would have on me, and subsequently many other people. My life has changed so much from that day back in 2006 and I have grown so much as a person.

I am so thankful for the people I've met and the transformations I've witnessed. I estimate that I have led more than 1000 meetings and watched hundreds of people change their lives through diet, exercise and changes in their lifestyles. It has been an incredible experience and I am so grateful for each and every moment.

I am so proud of everything you have accomplished on the scale and off. I love the community we have developed in the meeting room and I hope that you will continue to inspire, motivate and challenge one another. Thank you for making this meeting room a safe and special place; as one of my members has often said "there is magic in the chairs".

This has been a huge chapter of my life but I am looking forward to what lies ahead for me. I hope that you will continue to share your journeys with me and can't wait to hear about your accomplishments. I am always here to support you, although now it will no longer be as your weight watchers leader, but instead, as a friend.

Thank you for allowing me to do this job  for the last 5 years. I appreciate your openness, candour, determination, perspective and love so much. Every one of you has inspired me, pushed me and enriched my life more than you'll ever know. I hope I have inspired and motivated you to accomplish more than you believed you could. You're all so amazing and I am just so proud of you. I know that you'll continue to support, motivate and inspire one another and continue to accomplish great things.

I felt that it was important that I end with a quote and it's taken me a little while to find the perfect one... Here it goes:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

~Marianne Williamson

I’ve shed many tears over this decision, but I know that it is the right one for me. At my last meetings, there were many tears and a great number of hugs. My members were so wonderful and supportive, and I was so proud that on Saturday morning, two of my members reached Lifetime after losing 77 and 88 lbs respectively(!!!) It was an incredible way to leave and I’m confident that my members will continue to have fantastic success in their meetings. I will be rooting for all of them.

Change is hard, but also necessary. I’m sure I will cry some more and likely wake up on a few Saturday mornings in a bit of a panic thinking I need to be somewhere else, but I’m excited for what the future holds for me. Here we go…

10 Things I learned Whilst Nourishing My Soul In St. Lucia

1. Everything will be just fine

I was so anxious the day before I left for St. Lucia. I woke up around 4:30am, and wasn’t able to get back to sleep and actually found myself crying. I wasn’t worried about the trip, but I was freaking out about all the travel leading up to my arrival in St. Lucia (thanks to my friends at Expedia and Delta, my flight went Toronto – Minneapolis – Atlanta, spent the night in Atlanta before flying to St. Lucia) I led two WW meetings in the morning before having a driver pick me up to take me to the airport. Little did he know, but that man calmed me down. We talked about everything but my trip really, and I arrived at Pearson feeling happy, calmer and excited. I was on my way to St. Lucia, how bad could things really be?

2. It’s a good thing to shut down

There was a big part of me that wasn’t sure how well I was going to deal with being without being connected to my world, but it was truly amazing. No iPhone. No Twitter. No Facebook. No email. Nada. It was incredibly freeing to be without my phone, only using it to blast tunes while I was in the shower in the mornings and to do a little bit of texting towards the end of the week when I was really missing my friends. I loved living in the moment and enjoying every single second that I was in St. Lucia.

3. It doesn’t matter what anyone says, SPF 60 is my friend

I am a pale gal. I did not want to burn on day one in St. Lucia and spend the trip grimacing in pain as my skin turned a lobster shade. I accomplished this goal with the help of some SPF 60 and an amazing roomie who supported me in its application. Win. Don’t bother laughing at my non-tan, because I’m happy about it.

4. Meghan Telpner is one of my heroes

It’s no secret that I’m a huge Meghan fan. I found Meghan’s blog very soon after being diagnosed with Crohn’s, enrolled in her cooking classes and she soon became a huge inspiration in my life. She was the person that I needed to meet and St. Lucia in 2012 was absolutely meant to be. I’m so thankful for her friendship, inspiration, guidance, encouragement and love, not to mention all the giggles that we share. The trip and Meghan’s talks just reinforced for me how far I’ve come from the time that I was really sick. I am that I’ve taken this journey to health over the last 4 years and that I’ve been able to lean on Meghan along the way.

5. Just breathe

Even when there’s a cockroach on your toothbrush. Seriously.

6. In with love, out with fear

I heard this in a yoga class once and the sentiment has stuck with me and it’s something I often meditate on. It’s incredibly freeing to rid yourself of fear and let love in. I reminded myself of this each morning during meditation and it had a profound impact on my mental state.

7. The only constant is change

I knew that St. Lucia was going to change my perspective on things, but I didn’t anticipate exactly where those changes were going to come into play. After some thinking, dreaming, soul searching and pep talks, I walked out of St. Lucia feeling inspired and armed to make some changes in my life. Not crazy “I’m-quitting-my-job-ending-all-relationships-cutting-people-off-total-180” kinda changes, but ones that make a lot of sense for where I’m at in my life right now. I feel grounded, calm and happy to put these changes into effect as the weeks and months go on. Stay tuned.

8. I have a pretty sweet life

While I’m ready to be making some changes in certain areas of my life (and in some areas have already started to make some shifts), I feel like I’m just doing some fine tuning. I’m in love with the life that I’m living and the people that I’ve chosen to surround myself with. St. Lucia solidified for me how awesome life really is and I came back feeling energized to continue enjoying every single moment. I was also so thankful to be in a place where I could leave my normal day-to-day and enjoy an incredible 8 days of sunshine, beauty, delicious food, new adventures and wonderful people.

9. Make it happen

On our final day at Balanbouche, Meghan did a workshop on making it happen. She guided us through a meditation that asked us to find our ideal day in our ideal life, and through a series of exercises, we determined steps to push past our barriers and harness our greatest and absolute potential. It’s great to have ideas, hopes and dreams, but it really comes down to making them happen and this trip inspired me to keep reaching and working hard to get to exactly where I want to be.

10. Twinkle, sparkle and shine

February is generally a very hard month for me. As I’ve already said, I came home from St. Lucia happy, calm, grounded, excited and loving life. People said I was glowing. While I usually pride myself on having a happy, positive demeanour, it felt so good to be coming back from my trip and starting the month in such a great place. I feel like the best possible me when I’m sparkly.

nothing happens and nothing happens and then everything happens

I kinda wish I could go back and tell the gal in the top photo (who at the time was really unhappy, stressed, not really healthy and pretty good at keeping all of that under wraps) that everything would work out just fine.

More Self Love –Week 4 #52DTS

Happy Holiday Monday to my Canadian friends…
and Happy Monday to everyone else!

I’ve had a great long weekend and happy that we’ve had a bit of sunshine even!! For me it’s even better as I’m enjoying a 3 day work week because on Friday I’m going to

NEW YORK CITY!!!

I can’t even begin to describe how excited I am or how much squealing and jumping and skipping and smiling there has been leading up to this trip. It will be my first time in the city and I feel like I might not want to come home. I have a list of things I want to do and can’t wait to take lots of pictures, tweet and blog about my excursion – stay tuned!

Giveaway Winner

Congratulations to @cocomonsterblog for being the winner of Peggy’s book and some Vega yummies!! Send me an email wwleaderashley [at] gmail [dot] com and we will arrange to get you your goodies!!

Week 3 Check In

I didn’t do a check in on Friday – I’m sorry! I rocked my workouts again this week:

Monday: 60+ minutes with trainer
Tuesday: 50 minutes spin
Thursday: 30 minute run + core
Saturday: 60 minutes zumba

+ lots of walking in the sunshine

How did everyone do with their eating?

Following an awesome dinner with my roomies on Monday I ate lots of leftover soup and kelp noodles from Peggy’s book, enjoyed some delicious oatmeal breakfastsand enjoyed some yummy meals out with friends, including a trip to Rawlicious and delicious brunch at Lady Marmalade with my little sister yesterday. I am working on consistently making great choices, listening to my body and eating mindfully. Also still working on getting the sugar out while not feeling like I’m restricting myself too much. It’s an ongoing struggle, but it’s necessary.

Speaking of necessary…

Week 4 Challenge – Love Yourself

The process of positive self talk has been a constantly ongoing, seemingly never-ending battle for me. I’ve talked about it on the blog many times (here, here, here and here) and there have been a bazillion other times when I’ve had conversations with friends, family, WW peeps, or written in my journal about my challenges. I’m thankful that people can’t actually see inside my head because there’s some pretty messed up stuff that goes on in there.

Lately it’s been really really hard, and this was part of the reason for the 52 Days to Summer Challenge in the first place. I have been working on getting rid of the thoughts that don’t serve me, but holy jeez are those thoughts loud sometimes.

I have so many things in my life to be thankful for: amazing friends, familia, and awesome peeps who love me, a great set of jobs, performance opportunities, an amazing house with fantastic roommates etc. etc. etc. But for whatever reason, I still freak out and go to the negative self loathing place. I don’t know that my body image has ever really been stellar, but I’ve found that since beginning my weight loss journey in 2006, the issue has been much more prominent; in the years since I’ve been harder on myself since losing the weight than I ever was before.

I find that I feel better when I’m treating my body well with exercise and awesome eating, but that is not always the rule. On Tuesday I was on my way to spin class and in the elevator on my way up to the class I started tearing up as a result of some negative stuff in my head. I cried on my way home and later that evening - yes, even after 50 minutes of hardcore spin and heading home home to make green juice and a delicious, healthy, vegan dinner. This has got to stop.

I read a great post on Ange’s blog that really inspired me awhile back, especially the idea that self love is an ongoing process and that (for now) the “goal is not to eliminate negative thoughts, but to reduce the frequency of those thoughts and to counter them with positive ones”.

This week I would like you to work on self love.

If a negative thought enters your head, write it down and then take a minute to turn that thought around into a positive one. I am also going to take some time to journal some of my thoughts because I’ve found that process to be very helpful in the past.

What kind of messages have you been sending yourself? Are they things you would ever say to another person? How have the messages you’ve been sending to yourself changed over time? What process do you have to reduce your negative thoughts?

52 Days Til Summer Challenge

I had a mini-epiphany the other day…

I’m tired of feeling the way that I do.

I’ve really been struggling with my body image for the last 14 months. While it’s really been longer than that, the last 14 months-ish has been really rocky for me and I’m done with feeling this way. It’s exhausting and draining and is doing nothing for me. Last week someone said “get rid of the thoughts that don’t serve you” and it really hit home. That idea coupled with thinking about my past experiences in the midst of a workout led to the idea behind this challenge.

Things I would like to focus on:

• Feeling great
• Eating well
• Shedding a few pounds
• And oh, maybe getting back to something like this

So I thought about what has worked for me in the past when doing all of these things, especially when I was losing weight the very first time, and the following came to mind

• Group support
• Challenges
• Accountability

What better way to accomplish all of that than through a group challenge!! So I bring you…

52 Day Til Summer
#52DTS

I wanted a catchy name and rather go with “Motivated in May” or something to that extent, I figured SUMMER is a great motivation for many of us. I also realized that my feelings were not unique to me. Many of the people I talk to on a regular basis or who are actively involved in the blog/Twitter world could benefit from some guidance, extra motivation and incentive.

Because yes, there will be prizes!

With May 1 marking 52 days til the beginning of summer on June 21, the challenge was born. Beginning this week there will be 52 Days Til Summer posts on Mondays (this week Tuesday because the weekend was crazy) and Fridays. Monday’s post will give you a focus for the week and detail the week’s mini challenge. If there is anything you would like to focus on in the next few weeks, please let me know and I will work to incorporate it into a challenge. Friday’s post will be an opportunity to check in, brag a little, talk about any challenges you may be having and really establish a bit of community. I will be posting these on both my blog and my Facebook page, so you are welcome to respond in the comments section of either or both. I will also be putting together a Twitter list with anyone who would like to participate and using the #52DTS hashtag when tweeting about the challenge. Please feel free to follow the list and use the hashtag to your heart’s content.

Week 1 Challenge:
Why the heck are you Doing This?
And how are you going to make it happen?

I picked up a copy of The Beck Diet Solution last week because it was mega on sale and I remember many people saying great things about it on the Weight Watchers message boards back when I was losing weight. One of the exercises is to develop your list of reasons that you want to lose weight. You were to make these reasons into a list and write the list on a cue card that you could carry with you and read at least once a day.

Inspired by this activity, I made my list last week and also made a list of commitments to myself in order to achieve my goals. Some of my reasons included:

• to be the healthiest me I can be
• to feel strong
• to be in control
• to start liking pictures again
• to get rid of the thoughts that aren’t serving me

I also made a list of commitments that are going to help me achieve these things. These included eating well, tracking and being physically active. I printed off my list and put a copy in my wallet so that I can read it at least once a day and feel inspired when I need that extra little kick of motivation.

Part 1 of the first challenge is for you to do the same thing:

Develop a list of reasons as to why you want to get active, eat healthier or shed some pounds. They can be as general or specific as you need them to be – just make them relevant to you! One of my reasons was to “look like my headshot” which really resonates with me. Once you’ve got your list, make yourself a list of commitments that you’re going to adhere to for the duration of the challenge (and going forward, because we know that everything you need to do in order to lose weight, is everything you need to do to keep it off) This list may change and grow over time, but again make it relevant to YOU.

Part 2 of the challenge is to get moving:

I used to make these calendars monthly and for whatever reason, I stopped and started using my own home calendar. This calendar is for you to track your workouts! Every day you do some physical activity, give yourself a sticker on the calendar. It’s amazing just how motivating stickers can be!! The objective here is to get as many stickers as possible and I will post a new calendar at the beginning of June to take us through to the end of the challenge.

I’ve also put both of these documents into a google doc for easy access

Part 3 of the challenge is to sign up!

Leave a comment on my blog or in the notes of my facebook note to let me know that you’ll be participating. Feel free to introduce yourself, state some reasons why you want to participate and maybe even some of your commitments from your worksheet or your workout plan for the week. Also include your Twitter name so I can add you to the list.

This initial sign up will also ensure that I have your information for the prizes that will come later – more info to follow – but I promise they’ll be fun and exciting!

To recap this week’s challenge:

1. Develop your list of reasons and commitments. Print it off and put it somewhere where you can see it every day. In your wallet. At your desk. In the space next to your bedroom door. Just post it and read them every day. And start working towards them!
2. Get moving! Give yourself a sticker every day you work out.
3. Sign up! Leave me a comment so I know you’re doing this with me

Friday May 6 will be our first recap post. Whether you want to lose weight, get more physically active, meet some like minded people, have group support or just have a general tune up before summer, this challenge is there to help you. I’m so excited for everything we’re going to achieve over the next 52 49 days and can’t wait to see your results!!

It’s Been Two Years. And I’ve Done A Lot. The Naturopath: Revisited.

Last week I went back to see my amazing naturopath, Christine Matheson after not seeing her for more than two years.

Following my food sensitivity testing appointment in March 2009, she went on mat leave and I was left to fend for myself through the 3 month elimination diet that followed. She gave me great guidance to take with me as I embarked on the challenge and recommended another naturopath should I need further assistance. She returned from mat leave in the fall and as a result of my new job I’m back to having benefits which I am fully taking advantage of! A lot has changed since March 2009 and last week I got to recount the tale of my last 2 years to her:

Diet

This was obviously a huge change over the last 2 years. Within two weeks of eliminating a lot of foods from my diet, I started to feel better than I had in more than a year and half. I started off by cutting out the foods on my sensitivity testing list for 3 months. Following the three month period I brought many of the foods back in (minus gluten, dairy and eggs) and then that summer decided to go vegan.  Eliminating all animal products was something that we had talked about prior to the elimination diet, but it was absolutely my decision in the end. My diet has been pretty consistent since then and I feel amazing eating the way that I do. We discussed some items for tweaking and revitalized my supplement protocol to ensure that I continue feeling the best I can.

Work

Quitting my job and going to nutrition school was inspired greatly by my journey to healing. 2010 was such an amazing year and I’m so happy that I followed my heart. I’m still currently half a nutritionist and back in the office world, but I know that my “time off” was much needed. In the last 2 years I’ve been working to achieve a balance of things that make me happy with things that allow me to live the best life possible. I like where I’m sitting right now and am looking forward to the coming months. We talked about work/life balance and some strategies/resources to keep me happy and stable throughout the insanity of work/WW/school/performing that can sometimes be is my life.

Relationship

This was a big one since when Christine left, I was still engaged. Talking about the break up was actually more painful than I expected. Joey was a big part of my life for a long time and he was with me through a lot of change. While really sad, our break up was the right thing for both of us. That being said, the actual break up left me broken in more ways than I realized initially; There were some things that happened towards the end that really messed with my head and I’m still working to put the pieces back together. Much of it is related to body image, my weight and my general self esteem, which have been things I’ve struggled with over the last year. Talking this through with Christine really highlighted how much of a sensitive topic this still is for me. It’s definitely a work in progress, but I’m going there and feeling better every day.

The Pill

Going off the pill was another thing that we had wanted to tackle post-elimination diet and after some deliberation I went off the dreaded pill in the spring of 2009. If you’d like some great info on why not to be on the pill you can check out some informative posts on Meghan’s blog. There are numerous reasons why I should have gone off the pill but the main one was this: it was making me crazy. My hormones were so manic and all over the place that it was incredibly detrimental to my emotional health and well being. With some assistance from the brilliant ladies at Red Tent Sisters, I started following the Justisse method and felt in tune with my body and. Much. Less. Crazy.

There were lots of other details along the way but those were some of the big things we discussed in our time together. In some ways it was therapeutic and in others kind of painful, but overall I felt really positive when I left.

Christine gave me a lot of credit for all the changes that I had made. Sometimes I take for granted that this is just the way that I live my life. I forget that it’s not easy to have made all of these changes and live the way that I do, because it’s just second nature to me now. I’m so much healthier than I was 2 years ago and I have so much to be thankful for. She assured me that I looked fantastic and had so much to be proud of. It was wonderful to hear this from someone outside my immediate circle and the small suggestions and tweaks I’m going to make as a result of our visit are going to make things that much better.

• Back to supplements including some anti-inflammatory agents and a probiotic
• Suggestions for getting sugar back out of my life (due to the candida, I cut sugar out of my life during the elimination diet and slowly over the last two years it has creeped back in. It needs to go again!!)
• Recommendations of a visit with the clinic’s osteopath, a full physical with a naturopathic doctor and referral to a psychologist

I’m so excited to be seeing my naturopath again. She is fantastic at what she does and I’m really looking forward to stepping up my game and taking things to the next level with her guidance. I know that the changes are up to me, and I’m ready for them! I’ve come a long way on this journey and believe that this is just the next step. Sometimes I forget how far I’ve come and it was very grounding to reflect upon transformation that I’ve made. Because the universe felt I needed an extra little bit of perspective last week, I received the following email from a reader on the same day I went to the naturopath:

Subject line: Read your blog by accident

and just wanted to say you are a very inspiring woman...

i am a cancer survivor and have been waiting for the opportunity to start my journey back to health

i was looking for a copy of the a lulu lemon bag for my friend and when I found one and somehow

when i pulled it up it was on your blog.  reading about your health regime was very inspirational. keep up the good work!

betty

Betty – you honestly made my day and put everything into perspective for me. Thank you

[source]

For more information about Christine and her awesomeness, you can check out her website. You can also check out the website for Mahaya Forest Hill where she is currently practicing. Everyone was incredibly sweet and they offer a variety of services including osteopathy, chiropractic, homeopathy and acupuncture.

What changes have you made over the last couple of years? How does it feel to revisit the changes you’ve made and see how far you’ve come? How do you keep those changes in perspective?

My New Pie Of Life

Almost exactly a year ago I wrote a post about the effect of being part of Generation Y and the various components of my life. I used a pie chart to illustrate the main segments of my life and alluded to some of the changes that I was looking ahead to in the future. At that time I still believed I would wait for more than a year to go to school rather than quit my job in November and start school in January. I can’t believe that I thought I would wait so long AND do it in the evenings and miss out on performing for two years.

In the last 6 months I’ve come to realize how amazing it is to have a balance of things that you love in your life. Quitting my job was one of the best things I ever did and every day I am so thankful for this dream life that I am living. My new pie of life goes something like this:My job no longer consumes half my life and my new work doesn’t usually feel like work because it’s Weight Watchers and I adore it! I am so pleased with the balance between work, school and play. I also have more time to perform, audition and be on stage which makes me really happy!! For the first time since musical theatre school I really feel like I’m thriving in this regard and have time to actually work on my craft (rather than squeeze it in between everything else that I’m doing)

My new pie of life was demonstrated on Friday within a chaotic, but successful day. Normally on Fridays I lead 1 meeting in the morning and then have the rest of the day to myself. This Friday was an exception due to the fact that I had a one-off Friday class and one night only show in the evening. Add to that some pretty amazing people and some yummy food, and it meant that basically everything I love was wrapped up into a single day!!

With everything going on, I went prepared with breakfast, lunch and snacks Quinoa flakes with apple & cinnamon for brekkie, spinach salad with tempeh & balsamic/flax dressing plus a banana, orange, blueberries & carrots with hummus.

I led a great little meeting and then rushed off to school for my second to last class of Advanced Nutritional Research. I was stoked when we got our marks back for the test we had written on Wednesday and when our teacher let us out early – success! It meant that I had more time to get down to Buddies in a Bad Times theatre for the tech rehearsal for Cabaret for a Cause 11. Tech went off without too many problems and it was good to sing through the group numbers with everyone. We were singing some great group songs like “All the Men in my Life Keep Getting Killed by Candarian Demons” from Evil Dead the musical, “Seasons of Love” from Rent, and Lilly Allen’s “Not Fair”. Once everything was good to go we all went for sushi. I shared some edamame and veggie rolls with Lindsay and our musical director.  I loved the little mushroom ones – so good!  With our tummies full of sushi goodness we were ready for a great show.  For my solo I sang a really fun song called My Party Dress. (Seen here performed by the lovely Jenni Barber) It went over really well!! Lindsay and I also performed the super fun duet “What is this Feeling?” from the musical Wicked. Lindsay sang the Elphaba role and her witches’ hat made me laugh so much. She is such a good friend, it was really hard for us to hate one another!! The whole evening was a great success and I had a lot of fun being onstage with an amazing group of talented people AND finally having an opportunity to sing with Linz. I practically fell into bed at the end of the night (especially since I was getting early up to lead 3 meetings in the morning) but it was such a wonderful day that I didn’t really care. It was a great reflection of my new pie of life and I couldn’t be happier that it contained so many of my favourite things.

So far this year I’ve realized that having such a balance of things in my life makes me really happy. It shouldn’t be rocket science, right? Do things that you love. Cut out the stuff you don’t. Live in the moment and pursue things that you feel passionately about. My pie of life kind of rocks and I look forward to continuing to live it on a daily basis.

Have you examined your pie of life lately? What’s there that makes you really happy? What’s missing? What can you do to change that?

It’s The Ashley Show, Therefore I’m In Charge – Everything I’ve Learned In 300 Posts

Ladies & gentlemen (Gentleman? Are there guys who read this blog?) Welcome to Post #300. (Festive occasions deserve festive attire!! Now if only I could figure out a way to throw confetti through each of your computer screens…) 

Some things that I’ve learned along the way…

• Being diagnosed with Crohn’s changed my life, but perhaps not in the ways that I thought it would. It has opened doors for me and I’ve learned that you can quit your job, start fresh and live the life of your dreams. I’ve embraced gluten free vegan life and I’m in love with all the delicious food I eat; as a result of this, my Crohn’s is in check and I’m no longer in pain every day or suffering the way I used to. Amazing!
  
• I’ve been able to accomplish some things that I don’t know if I ever dreamed possible with my eating, physical activity, bellydancing, my job, performing, and learning from past experiences.
  
• Maintaining a healthy lifestyle takes work, but it’s so worth it to feel great. I can’t imagine going back to the life I used to live and feeling the way I did back then. This is good.

I often walk away from my Weight Watchers meetings quoting things that my members have said, revelling in their wisdom and shared experiences. On Saturday one of my members said [after talking about choices she had made during the week] “It’s the ____ show and I’m in charge of my choices”. It really resonated with me because I’ve been f---ing up the Ashley show something big lately and I need to step up my game and be accountable for my choices. I have learned way too much and worked too hard to backtrack and I’m not a particularly passive person in ANYTHING that I do. After all, my motto for 2010 was "Go big or go home", so here goes nothing.

This means that May is going to be a month of me holding myself accountable to my choices with food and activity. Lindsay and I have been sending one another nightly accountability emails for the past few weeks and her support is really helping me to stay on track. On Sunday I hit the gym for BodyFlow and my first ever BodyAttack class in an effort to kick start my week with a healthy dose of exercise. I LOVED BodyAttack!! I will definitely be doing this class more often. After doing Boot Camp for the last 8 weeks, I felt confident in my ability to do a lot of the moves (including lots of push-ups on my toes!) and enjoyed the energy of the instructor and participants in the class. I will definitely be doing Attack again.

And more FIT CHICKS.

And more bellydancing.

And making good choices with food.

And being kind to myself through talking about my feelings, journaling, spending time with people I love and getting enough rest and “me time”.

These are all things I can do, and I’m excited to do them.

Here’s to post #301 and beyond!!

Live for Today

This time last year, I was working in my office job, working for Weight Watchers on Saturdays, and living with Joey. I had just finished a show and had been diagnosed with Crohn’s only a couple of months prior. I was just embarking on a gluten free, dairy free lifestyle and finding my passion for food and nutrition in the process.

It hit me on Saturday how much my life has changed. I find this especially interesting when I go back into the archives of this blog and see that in March of last year I wrote a post called “Everyone who got where he is, began where he was” and it’s amazing to me to see how far I have come in so many ways.

As I walked home from my Weight Watchers meetings I stopped to take in my surroundings and it struck me that I was no longer walking to my old house. For nearly 2 years that Saturday walk has been such a normal part of my routine and this weekend it really hit me that my life has really changed drastically.

I have so many beautiful things to celebrate in my life right now: attending school, working in a job that I love, finishing the run of an amazing show and spending time with amazing friends, both new  and old.

Even with all of these blessings, I’ve found myself in a bit of a funk this week and I think it has to do with my break up. Taking that walk to my new house on Saturday put my relationship status into perspective and made me miss Joey. With all the changes in my life of late, I believe I put the grieving of my relationship on hold. I know that it’s okay to feel sad sometimes, so I'm giving myself the opportunity to do that so that I can continue to move forward.

This week at Weight Watchers we’ve been talking about learning from our experience and it’s been wonderful to gain insight into what my members can learn from their past experiences, both good and bad. To close my meetings this week I’ve been quoting Albert Einstein: “Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Hope for tomorrow” I think this is a good philosophy for life in general and am working to use it as my mantra to get out of this funk. I know that I have conquered many challenges in my life and recognize that my feelings of late are valid and honest. I am being true to myself and as the saying goes “whatever doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger”. Here’s hoping for tomorrow <3

What can you learn from your past experiences? Does seeing your past successes and/or failures as feedback help you in the present moment?