Making Space

And just like that summer is behind us, and we're heading into the fall. It feels like yesterday that it was the end of May and I had some time off before starting a new job and embarking on a new part of this journey. Time certainly does fly.

There are a bunch of things that I'm excited to write about that happened this summer - finishing my latest fitness program, travelling to Indianapolis and Montreal, and finding my groove in Toronto's east end once again. But first I want to talk about something a bit more meta, and the thing that's enabling me to write this post at all: making space.

I've had some big changes in the last couple of years, and this summer brought on its own unique transition. Within less than a month, I started a brand new job with a new company and then moved in with my partner. Getting that job offer was very exciting, but it also put a lot of other things into motion - giving notice and leaving my previous job, as well as giving notice at my apartment. Suddenly I went from lots of comfort and familiarity to a whole lot of transition and change.

And that transition felt like it lasted the whole summer! Every time I looked at the calendar I felt like there was something else coming up, whilst still gaining my footing in the day-to-day of my new job. I am so grateful for everything that was thrown my way, but it felt chaotic and tiring at times, and didn't leave me much space to find my new normal.

And now we're here.

Post Labour Day with those back to school feelings that leave me yearning for new school supplies and a fresh day planner. I finally feel like I've caught up with all of the changes and can just enjoy this new chapter of life that I've decided upon.

I can breathe.
I can enjoy this place.
I can take space for the things that bring me joy.
And be intentional with how I fill the space.

I've been doing some of these things naturally (prioritizing time for lovely friends, trying new recipes, practicing good self care) and others need to be a concerted effort, like practicing piano, reading for pleasure, and writing more regularly.

When I was working in my old job that so was so heavily connected to social media, writing and blogs, I didn't feel excited to come home and write. I was also focused on doing all sorts of social media activities related to coaching, and that always left "write new blog post" at the very bottom of my to do list. I've been using this blog as my online home for 10 years now, and over the years my posts have continued to dwindle in numbers. I've talked about changing that multiple times, but in this moment I see where writing fits in to my life and I'm determined to make it a priority.

So, hi.

The goal is for this post to be the first of more regular posts. I've made a list of things I'd like to write about and would love to hear from you what you'd like to see here. Fitness, health, lifestyle, travel, who knows what else - if there's something you'd like to read from me, let me know in the comments.

Photo by Ian Brown, Make up by Megan Fraser
Quote & image by Morgan Harper Nichols (I've been pinning so many of her quotes of late because they all resonate so deeply)

2015 Year In Review

In getting ready to write this post, I peeked at my blog's archives of New Year's Eve posts. I can't believe I started writing this blog back in 2008, and my post preparing for 2009 tells the story of a very different gal in a very different place... But I digress.

All around 2015 was a pretty awesome year. While I did my best to live boldly, I don't think it was entirely in the ways I expected!

I got to take some amazing trips - to Florida, Nashville, Alberta and Halifax.

Both trips to the US found me hanging out with some incredible Beachbody coaches, working out with celebrity trainers (including Shaun T - ahhh!), exploring fun new-to-me cities, eating great food, enjoying warmer climates and generally having the best time.

My trip to Alberta was an adventure with Corbin's family to celebrate his Grandma (Dixie's) 80th birthday. It involved visits to Calgary, Canmore, Banff and a road trip to the village of Empress, Alberta where Corbin's dad grew up. It was my very first time seeing the mountains, and the sights in Alberta are absolutely beautiful. We enjoyed some really lovely day trips including an adventure to the Columbia Icefield, hiking in the Rockies, visits to Lake Louise and other beautiful glacial lakes and some great time spent in Canmore. It was an awesome trip and I was happy to expand my Canadian horizons to the west.

I also expanded them to the east! We were only back in Toronto for a couple weeks before we took off to Halifax for a wedding. We drove there and back (and by we I mean Corbin drove, and brought snacks and downloaded the entirety of Serial and The Mystery Show for us to listen to) which was quite the adventure in itself!! Once we got there, I fell in love with the Halifax! The weather was perfect and it was wonderful to be so close to the ocean. I visited with friends (old and new!), scoped out the farmer's market, ate yummy food and did all-things wedding related! It was a beautiful event and a really fun reason to take a trip out east!

In 2015, I continued with my fitness journey completing 2 rounds of Insanity Max:30, 21 Day Fix Extreme and getting started with The Master's Hammer and Chisel! This is the most consistent I've ever been with fitness and I attribute a lot of that success to my incredible challengers, coaches and monthly support and accountability groups. Without them, it's just me working out in my room and that just doesn't do it for me!! Today marks day 4 of Hammer and Chisel, and so far it is KICKING MY ASS. I'm so excited to share my journey with you and see the final result 56 days from now. Here goes nothing!

In the spring, I took a job with Meghan Telpner and it has been a great fit! I have the best time with our team, I love the work that we're doing, I get to use my full range of skills and I'm constantly learning. We were super busy with the launch of her second book and running the CNE Program for the Academy of Culinary Nutrition, but it's been a truly awesome ride.

I've also been growing my role as a health and fitness coach, and it's been so cool to see our team's growth and the progress our challengers have made. I've had the opportunity to help a lot of people work towards their health, fitness and business goals and look forward to continuing with this in 2016!! We have an awesome group of peeps ready to go for our January Group and I can't wait to see our team grow and thrive. I paid for all my Christmas gifts with my Beachbody income and I'm looking forward to pushing towards some really big goals in 2016!!

(Our next online support and accountability group starts on Monday and I would love for you to be a part of it so I can help you work towards YOUR 2016 goals!! Send me a message)

While both of my jobs keep me busy, I'm still finding ways to perform. I had the opportunity to be a part of the first 'intimate' Confidential Music Theatre Project show in April which was one of the scariest things I've done in my life to date! I'm grateful that I had the experience, and it certainly showed me what I'm capable of doing. I also love that each year I get to do a show with our Ashnaba group, and we had a really great show in May where I performed one of my very favourite songs.


I'm also having a lot of fun making videos that include singing and getting involved with other people's fun projects - like when I got to dress up as Posh Spice for a great project earlier this week (video of that will be up next week - stay tuned!!)

I read lots of great books, saw some incredible theatre and concerts, Fringed, watched the entirety of Orange is the New Black, Breaking Bad and House of Cards, spent great time with friends, rode Cecily all over the city, moved twice, made nourishing meals (including ones with meat again) and continued to be crazy in love.

Photo Credit: Michelle Doucette Photography 

Oh, and I chopped my hair off and dyed in dark brown.

It wasn't all rainbows and unicorns (I had a wicked flu in March that took me out for 10 days, moving twice in 5 months was less than ideal and with all of the changes that happened, I definitely had to sort out what a routine looked like for me!) but all in all, it was a very transformative year and a mostly enjoyable one at that!

Over the last few weeks, I've been setting intentions for 2016, making goal lists and vision boards while reminiscing on all that has happened in 2015. I'm looking forward to riding the momentum that I've built and striving for an even more awesome year. One of my goals includes blogging more regularly again, so be sure to watch this space.

2016, let's do this.

Happy New Year, friends - I hope 2016 brings you adventure, wonder and all kinds of awesome xo

Ditching the Limiting Beliefs

"I'm not good with money"

This is how I've viewed myself for a really long time. Maybe even my my whole adult life.

Growing up we didn't have a tonne of money, but my parents made sure I didn't go without. I got my first job at 17, and instead of saving my money, I used it for lunches, clothing and fun. I felt entitled to spend it however I chose since I was the one earning it. I acquired my first major debt at 19 when I took out a student line of credit and a student loan to put myself through musical theatre school. I got my credit card towards the end of musical theatre school. And when I got my first "grown up" job following college, I still didn't place my focus on budgeting, saving or paying down my debt; I continued to do whatever I wanted with my money.

Over the years I've continued to pay down my credit line and student loan slowly, but have managed to rack up my fair share of credit card debt. Up until last year, even when I was working jobs that paid me well, I still didn't take the time to learn more about budgeting or saving and wrote it off to "I can do what I want with my money" and "I'm just not good with it".

The limiting beliefs we have about ourselves can be paralyzing. You may not even realize that you have them. Are there thoughts you have about yourself on a regular basis that are holding you back? Do you find yourself making flippant comments about a certain personality trait or quality? Are there certain qualities you admire in others and deep down inside you wish you possessed?

Your limiting beliefs could be related to any number of things:

• Money & personal finances ("I'm not good with money")
• Health & fitness ("I'll never lose weight" "I'm not motivated")
• Trust & relationships ("I've been betrayed before so I can't trust" "I'll be single forever")
• Success ("I'll never be successful" "I fail at everything" "I don't deserve to be successful")
• Time & resources ("I don't have enough time" "I'm too busy")
• Procrastination ("I never finish things" "I'm just a lazy person")
• Being enough ("I'm not good/smart/thin/young/wealthy enough")

These beliefs that we hold about ourselves are the things standing in the way of achieving success. Once we start believing something, our choices and actions follow and your limiting belief has the ability to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The amazing thing about life is that we get to make choices. And while it can be difficult to re-program our brains and our thoughts, it can be done and we can leave those limiting beliefs in the dust behind us. 

5 Ways to Ditch Your Limiting Beliefs

1. Start by determining what's holding you back - maybe it's something from the list above or maybe it's something different entirely. Once you start to recognize patterns in your thoughts you can move forward in addressing and challenging them.
   
2. Don't be afraid to ask for help - it can be super scary to ask for help in any area of our lives, but especially the ones that may be holding us back. But it's okay, and it's totally a good thing. Asking for help will look differently for different people. It might mean seeing a counsellor or therapist to work through some of your "stuff". Maybe it's hiring an advisor or coach to help guide you. It could even be finding a book / blog post / podcast to start steering you in a new direction. Whatever the help, it's out there and you deserve to utilize it.
   
3. Find a new mantra - turn that limiting belief around into something positive and say it 'til you mean it. Repeat it to yourself daily. Initially you might find this new mantra laughable because it's the exact opposite of what you've believed for perhaps as long as you can remember - and that's okay. The saying "fake it til you make it" applies here; give yourself some time to get to know your new mantra and really adopt it as your own. Watch what follows.
   
4. Make a plan and run with it - once you've turned your limiting belief on its head, set some shiny, new goals and make them happen! Ridding yourself of the things that have been holding you back can be very freeing and can open up a multitude of new doors. Open them and just go.
   
5. Trust that you are enough - because you are. 

When you can leave your limiting beliefs in the past, you can open yourself up to a world of possibility, positivity and new adventures. It's certainly not easy, but it's worth it - what do you have to lose?

Yesterday I met with a financial advisor. When he asked me about my goals, I said "I want to work on finally dealing with my debts. I want to work towards saving and having a reserve. I'd like to learn how to budget. I want to work on being a grown up". For me, this was a HUGE step in leaving my limiting belief in the past and working with a new attitude of abundance and positivity in this area. I left with some extra pep in my step and excitement about the future, and that's a pretty awesome way to feel. 

If you are looking for help to overcome your limiting beliefs relating to healthy eating, fitness and setting goals, I'm looking for 8 people to join me in a group beginning on Monday June 8, 2015. I'm so excited to be offering this group. We're going to tackle clean eating, incorporating exercise and goal setting with 3 weeks of daily assignments, incredible workouts, meal planning tips, videos and resources. I'm also offering an amazing personal development book as a special bonus from me to those who reserve their spot before Friday May 22. You can grab your application here. 

Aiming to Thrive - The Evolution of my Diet

Photo by Nicole De Khors from Burst

Since beginning my weight loss journey in 2006, my diet has been in constant evolution.

I first started by cutting out the crap, cooking more and eating more fruits and veggies. Eating healthier was an integral stepping stone for doing an elimination diet to help manage my Crohn's (and within two weeks being symptom free) and then in the summer of 2009 going vegan.

And for a long time, being gluten free and vegan was a great thing for me. I felt healthy. And symptom free. And happy. It felt like the right diet for me and was easy to maintain.

And then I started to question whether my diet was still the most optimal. With health being the primary focus of my transition to gluten free veganism, I wanted to ensure that I was still thriving. I was confident that I was making healthy choices and was nutritionally balanced, but I just started to wonder if it was still entirely right for me. I wasn't feeling awesome all the time and started to doubt that I was giving my body everything it needed with the foods that were available within my dietary choices.

When I was in St. Lucia last year, the doubts started to creep in even more. Some big conversations about maintaining a gluten free vegan diet that was also lower on the glycemic index and giving my body what it needed in times of stress made me feel like I was suddenly at a tug of war with myself. It felt so awful because being vegan had become such a big part of my identity and I wasn't sure that I was ready or willing to give that up. It was no longer just about the food.

It somehow felt wrong to be doubting my choices, but rationally I knew that I needed to do what was right for me. My diet was in constant evolution based on how I was feeling and the information that I had about nutrition, but this felt bigger than that. With all that I had learned and believed about being vegan, could I fathom the thought of changing that?

I knew that I didn't want to go back to eating meat again - it didn't feel like the right decision for my body / digestive system and the ethical side of veganism / vegetarianism just made that a no-go for me. Cow dairy was also a no-brainer as I believe that it was a huge contributor to my Crohn's symptoms and I felt so much better without it.

With all of this to consider, the support of my fellow retreat-goers and a heart to heart with Meghan, one morning I had some eggs with my breakfast. Eating eggs after not doing so for three years felt very foreign and bizarre, but following the meal I felt really good. I bought my first carton of organic, free-range eggs when I returned from St. Lucia and started having scrambled eggs with salad and veggies a few times a week for breakfast.

And I started to feel like I was thriving again.

I felt energetic and stopped feeling faint from time to time. My hair became glossier and thicker. I felt good about the choices I was making with the types of eggs I was choosing and was happy to have some more variety in my diet. It was the right decision for me and where I was at. It's been about a year since transitioning to gluten free, dairy free vegetarianism and I feel awesome. I have vegan meals probably 75-80% of the time, with some eggs and goat/sheep dairy thrown into the mix. The added protein and variety has agreed with me.

The hardest part of this change for me has been coming to terms with the fact that I was no longer vegan. I wondered if I would feel hesitant to tell my vegan friends, or change my position among the community. I removed references to being vegan in all of my social media platforms and slowly started to embrace my choice and share it with people along with my rationale. Most people were very accepting and with those who weren't, I reminded myself that it was my life, my choice and most of all my health.

In the past couple weeks I've read a couple of really interesting blog posts from prominent vegans who have changed their diets. Both Kristen Suzanne (from Kristen's Raw) and Alex Jamieson have written detailed accounts of why veganism was no longer right for them, which compelled me to write this post. The reaction from the vegan community regarding both posts has been interesting, heartening but sometimes sad to read. I applaud both women for speaking so candidly about their decisions and have done the research to make the choices that are right for them and their families.

I love what Michelle and Lori had to say about changing and evolving diets in this post, and I truly agree with their sentiment that there is no perfect diet. I don't believe that there is one-size-fits-all diet for every person on the planet, nor do I believe that others should try to dictate or condemn the dietary choices of others. It's an incredibly personal decision, and at the end of the day we should try to make conscious, informed decisions about what is right for us and what will help us best to thrive.

And that's what I intend to continue doing in my gluten free, dairy free, whole foods focused vegetarian way.

Here We Go…

On Saturday I led my last Weight Watchers meeting. I’m still in a bit of shock and I’m not sure that it feels real yet.

I’ve been insinuating that change was on its way and this decision is something I’ve been going back and forth on for awhile. I promised myself when I became a leader that the day I stopped loving it would be the day I quit. While I never stopped loving my job, it didn’t feel like the right thing for me anymore. I’m ready to just have two jobs (as an executive assistant and performer) and focus my energy on rocking those two things and also give myself some much needed Ashley time.

I delivered this speech to all 4 of my classes on Wednesday and Saturday:

It is with a heavy heart and mixed emotions that I share the news that I am leaving the Weight Watchers organization.

This journey started for me 6 years ago when I made the decision to lose weight. I lost 30 lbs, but little did I know what a huge impact that my choice would have on me, and subsequently many other people. My life has changed so much from that day back in 2006 and I have grown so much as a person.

I am so thankful for the people I've met and the transformations I've witnessed. I estimate that I have led more than 1000 meetings and watched hundreds of people change their lives through diet, exercise and changes in their lifestyles. It has been an incredible experience and I am so grateful for each and every moment.

I am so proud of everything you have accomplished on the scale and off. I love the community we have developed in the meeting room and I hope that you will continue to inspire, motivate and challenge one another. Thank you for making this meeting room a safe and special place; as one of my members has often said "there is magic in the chairs".

This has been a huge chapter of my life but I am looking forward to what lies ahead for me. I hope that you will continue to share your journeys with me and can't wait to hear about your accomplishments. I am always here to support you, although now it will no longer be as your weight watchers leader, but instead, as a friend.

Thank you for allowing me to do this job  for the last 5 years. I appreciate your openness, candour, determination, perspective and love so much. Every one of you has inspired me, pushed me and enriched my life more than you'll ever know. I hope I have inspired and motivated you to accomplish more than you believed you could. You're all so amazing and I am just so proud of you. I know that you'll continue to support, motivate and inspire one another and continue to accomplish great things.

I felt that it was important that I end with a quote and it's taken me a little while to find the perfect one... Here it goes:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

~Marianne Williamson

I’ve shed many tears over this decision, but I know that it is the right one for me. At my last meetings, there were many tears and a great number of hugs. My members were so wonderful and supportive, and I was so proud that on Saturday morning, two of my members reached Lifetime after losing 77 and 88 lbs respectively(!!!) It was an incredible way to leave and I’m confident that my members will continue to have fantastic success in their meetings. I will be rooting for all of them.

Change is hard, but also necessary. I’m sure I will cry some more and likely wake up on a few Saturday mornings in a bit of a panic thinking I need to be somewhere else, but I’m excited for what the future holds for me. Here we go…