The Things I Would Have Told Myself

I'm gearing up for a really fun weekend that includes my birthday and latest cabaret, "The Things I Would Have Told Myself".

I often find myself reflecting on the things I've learned on my birthday. I've celebrated quite a few since writing this blog. I still believe in the manifesto I created last year and I'm still trying to figure out all of this grown up stuff.

The show is going to be about all of that, plus the advice I would have shared with myself along the way. I wish I could go back and tell myself that I wouldn't get married in my 20s, offer some sage advice on the people I should (and shouldn't have dated) and share details of the future to my younger self that probably would have made me squeal.

When I moved into my new apartment at the beginning of this year, it marked the start of a new chapter for me. Not only was it the end of my relationship, but it also marked the first time that I've ever lived on my own. I worried that I would get lonely or that I just wouldn't feel comfortable - I wish I would have had the opportunity to do it sooner.

Living in my own space has been such a blessing for me. I love not talking to people. Leaving things in a spot and then returning to find them exactly there. Having friends over. Enjoying a whole fridge to myself and not having to share shelves. Keeping it tidy (or not). Decorating and creating the space that I want to live in. And accumulating a glorious collection of throw pillows on my bed and couch. 

I still think it would be charming to go back and tell my 8 year old self all the things I know now, but the list of lessons learned seems to grow longer as the days and years pass by. I doubt my younger self would have listened to any of this, but it might have been nice to try.

I'm looking forward to spending the weekend with people I adore, enjoying some shenanigans, treating myself to some red wine and cake and having the opportunity to do what I love onstage whilst sharing some innermost thoughts with the crowd.

33, let's do this. 

If you'd like to come celebrate with me on Sunday at 7pm at Club 120 (above 120 Diner), you can get your tickets here.

Make Just a Ripple

A couple weeks ago I took the stage for my latest solo show, The Difference a Year Makes at the Flying Beaver Pubaret. 

It was wonderful and therapeutic and empowering to be onstage, doing what I love and talking about the changes I've made over the last year.

One of the songs that resonated most deeply in the show was 'She Used to Be Mine' which Sara Bareilles has been writing for the musical adaptation of the movie 'Waitress'. From the first time I heard the song, I knew it would be a perfect fit for the show. "It's not simple to say, most days I don't recognize me..." is all too familiar a feeling. At the end of last year when I was incredibly unhappy in my job and realizing that I wasn't doing the things in my life that I was actually passionate about, I became a fraction of myself. 

Leaving that job, realigning my priorities, creating balance, nourishing my body and working actively on the relationships in my life have been a huge part of my transformation this year. It hasn't been sunshine, rainbows and unicorns 24/7, but it has been empowering and all kinds of awesome most of the time. I am living the life I want to live and that's the very best feeling. 

"Make just a ripple, come on be brave. This time a ripple, next time a wave! Sometimes you have to start small, climbing the tiniest wall. Maybe you're going to fall, but it's better than not starting at all"

-Everybody Says Don't, Stephen Sondheim

I hear that the show spurned some conversations about following one's dreams and focusing on the things that make people the happiest, which is really awesome. For a long time I believed that those things had a place in my life, but fit into a smaller part of my personal 'pie of life'. Pursuing your passions can be scary, but even taking just a small step in that direction can have a HUGE impact on your life. Fear of failure, fear of success, guilt, anxiety and all sorts of other things can stand in our way, but unless you try, you'll never know. 

Thanks to everyone who came to the show, sent well wishes, flowers and tweets - I couldn't be more grateful and appreciative. Thanks to the Pubaret for being wonderful hosts once again. Thanks to Giustin for being an incredible musical director and confidante throughout the process of creating the show. And thanks to Corbin for the beautiful photos and ongoing support, encouragement and love. 

The Difference a Year Makes

Last summer I did a show called "I Know it's Today" which was all about boys, dating, relationships and everything that's happened since that time I was engaged. At the time of the show, I had no idea that my life was about to change substantially in all sorts of ways, both personally and professionally.

Now, I've had my share of massive changes over the last five years from leaving jobs (to go to other jobs, attend nutrition school or due to changes in the job itself), starting new jobs, finding a balance of where performing fit into my life, dating people and figuring out what I was looking for in a partner, trying out new things and figuring out what I wanted to be doing with my life. But last year was different.

A year ago I was working in a job that I was quickly beginning to realize wasn't a good fit for me while commuting to Mississauga (1.5 hours each way) 5 days a week. It started to take a toll on my mental health and I was not a happy person. While this was all happening, I was building a new relationship with someone,who (thankfully) was patient, helpful and loving while I was trying to manage a whole lot of stress and some big decisions. I was just about to audition for a show that would go up in January, but had to turn down some other auditions because they didn't fit into my life.

On December 30, 2013, I made some huge changes and almost a year later, my life couldn't be more different.

Right now I'm busy rehearsing for two shows, auditioning more regularly, working at a part time job 10 minutes from my house and doing other work that has flexible timing and location. I have time for the things that are important in my life and have cultivated a great deal of balance. I continue to build an incredible relationship with a partner who remains patient, helpful and loving. Thankfully, I'm now in a place where I feel that I can contribute equally to our growth and love. I have time to work out and nourish my body and spend time with the amazing people in my life.

It's truly amazing the difference a year can make, and next Friday at 9pm I'm going to be sharing more about the things I've experienced and the changes I've made in my show, The Difference a Year Makes (or How to Quit Your Job, Fall in Love and Live the Life of Your Dreams) at the Flying Beaver Pubaret.

Withe the help of mega talented Music Director, Giustin MacLean, I'll be singing songs and telling stories about the crazy year that I've had, how I decided to make those big changes and everything that has happened as a result!

Tickets are available for $15 in advance or $20 at the door either online or at the Pubaret. I would love to see you there so you can help me celebrate the difference a year can really make!

If you were doing a show about how YOUR life has changed over the last year, what song(s) would be required on the set list?

Love List - July

Hello sunshine!! I am loving the summer weather and adventures that naturally follow. Here's what's making me extra happy this month.

Toronto Fringe
Over the last week my world has been flipped over by Fringe and I feel like it's actor Christmas once again. While I'm not in a show this year, it's been a ton of fun to see all sorts of shows, run into everyone I know and hang out at the Fringe tent. So far I've seen 7 shows with my favorites being Toronto I Love You (hilarious improv all about Toronto and such a stellar line up from Bad Dog Theatre. We saw it on opening and our show focused on Wychwood Barns, Sushi on Roncy and the Downsview airport hangar / concert venue), Punch Up (brilliant comedy from Writer, Director and Fringe regular, Kat Sandler with a stellar cast), Potosi (winner of the new play contest with a fantastic script & cast), Confessions of a Redheaded Coffeeshop Girl (by my ridiculously talented friend Rebecca Perry) and Roller Derby Saved my Soul (which kinda made me want to pick up roller derby...) The Fringe runs until Sunday night and I plan to see even more shows and spend way too much time socializing in the Fringe tent. Like I said, it's basically Christmas. Check out this great list from Torontoist with even more recommendations. 

Roadtrip Adventures
Corbin and I took a trip to Niagara-on-the-Lake over the long weekend to visit the Shaw Festival to see Cabaret. Not only did we get to see Cabaret, but we got to see my dear friend Tara CONDUCT Cabaret. She is the Musical Directing intern at Shaw this year and I was so proud to see her in the pit conducting the orchestra and cast! The show was great. I loved the set (which included a giant, rotating staircase in the centre of the stage), the costumes and the performances from the cast were mesmerizing. Corbin and I really enjoyed our day in the city including a lovely little picnic and some gelato following the show. The drive was gorgeous and it was a really incredible day all around. Bravo, Tara!

Feeling Inspired
I had a moment during the opening of Cabaret (Willkommen, bienvenue...) where I got really teary as I thought to myself "Yes, THAT is what I want to be doing". To make matters worse, Corbin leaned over and said "You need to be up on that stage" (cue even more tears).

This year has been quite the ride, but there have been a few moments where I've doubted myself and wondered if I was on the right path. Performing is all that I've wanted to do for my entire life and for a long time I made it a side project and not the thing I gave all of my attention to. Those days are over, and I'm working to do everything in my power to make my dream a reality and seeing Cabaret at Shaw really solidified that for me. Seeing some great Fringe and networking has reinforced that as well. I've got a couple neat projects coming up this summer including The Confidential Musical Theatre Project and shooting a very fun pilot for a sitcom called Mythfits. There's some other stuff in the works, but I just need to keep this feeling of inspiration going. I'm excited.

What's making you happy this month? What's on your Fringe must-see list?!

Top Moments of 2013

Wow 2013, you've been quite a year! I can hardly believe that another 365 days have passed as I lived the year of serendipity. And serendipitous it has been, in so many ways. Here are some of my favourite things that happened this year. 

I started off the year with a super fun trip to Ottawa to visit my bestie, Mel. I'm so thankful that Mel and I both work hard to keep our relationship strong and it was such a blast to visit her in snowy Ottawa. I can't wait to go back - hopefully sometime this year! 

This year included being on the cover of The Grid, being auctioned off for charity, being on the cover of a magazine highlight women in the arts and co-hosting a cooking show in my home. Really neat and a whole lot of serendipity to make it all happen. 

I discovered the Lovebot and have since become an unofficial ambassador of sorts to this incredible project. 

It's so lovely to see them all over the city and great to get into conversations with people that start with "So what's the deal with these Lovebots?!" I've since gotten to meet Matthew Del Degan who created the Lovebot and am thrilled for what's in store in the land of love for 2014!

In other love news, my sweet friend Lindsay got married in June and her wedding was absolutely one of my favourite moments of the year (if not my life!) It was so special to be a part of their day and all of the festivities leading up to it. I'm thankful that our friendship strengthened as a result. I will also never look at fuchsia the same way. 

I got to interview two of my favourite bands from my childhood - New Kids of the Block and Hanson!! Also got to see both of them in concert. 8 year old me and 13 year old me would have died (or at least started screaming their faces off) if only they knew what was to come 15+ years in the future. I also saw a slew of other great concerts including the Joni Mitchell tribute at Massey Hall, James Blake, Natalie Weiss, Jason Robert Brown and Rich Aucoin x2. 

I sold out my first solo cabaret, raised $1000 for CAMH and was asked to revamp the show for 2014 to be performed at the Toronto Centre for the Arts. 

Putting the first Life is Sweet show and blog series together was an incredible experience and I'm so proud that I get to do it again this year as a result. 

I also had an amazing time with my second solo cabaret I Know it's Today where I talked about boys, dating, relationships and everything that has happened since that time I was engaged. 

Speaking of boys, 2013 brought some ups and downs in my love life (hence the cabaret) but was so lucky to connect with my incredible boyfriend, Corbin, towards the end of the summer. I've fallen so head over heels in love with that man and am so excited to be heading into 2014 with him next to me!

In addition to performing in a bunch of shows, I saw 32 shows, which will become 33 after I see Les Miserables this afternoon. From plays at Fringe to cabarets by friends to huge musicals, I've seen a bit of everything and continue to love supporting the theatre community in Toronto and being inspired by shows in New York. I can't wait to see what's in store for 2014!

Oh yah, I went to New York. It was pretty magical. I still need to blog about all the wonderful things that happened. It's coming, I promise! 

Today I'm celebrating the end of 2013 and new beginnings for 2014 with a lovely friend date this morning and a sweet Corbin date to see Les Mis this afternoon. I think I'll have a quiet evening, but I'm looking forward to what's in store for this new year. 

Happy New Year - see you in 2014!

I Know it's Today - My New Solo Show

Remember that time I was engaged?

In some ways it feels like a whole lifetime ago. I was in a very different place in my life and I often reflect on how much has happened since then. Going from being in a long term relationship for a significant portion of my early 20’s to being single was an outrageous shift. While I don’t talk about my dating life often on the blog, I do have a lot of fun sharing stories with my close friends and occasionally ranting or raving on the Twitter.

Who knew that dating could be so fun, hilarious, ridiculous, joyous, heartbreaking, frustrating and awesome? With that in mind, I decided that these experiences would be most accurately shared the best way I know how: in song.

photo by Chris Luckhardt -  www.chrisluckhardt.com

I Know it’s Today is my newest solo show with Musical Director Tara Litvack. The set list covers a neat mix of old and new musical theatre along with some great new arrangements of some pop/rock songs as well. The show will detail everything that’s happened since that time I was engaged and all the hilarity, tragedy and joy that has ensued including the incredulous ways I’ve met people in this city, my time as the cover girl of The Grid’s Dating Diaries issue and being auctioned off for charity.

And because clearly I don’t have enough material and it’s not enough to be surrounded by those I’ve dated thanks to social media, in the last two weeks I’ve been constantly running into people I’ve dated. I have no idea HOW this is humanly possible in a city the size of Toronto, but I’ll definitely be sharing some of those stories too.

The show takes place Friday July 26 at 7pm at the Flying Beaver Pubaret (488 Parliament St). Tickets are $15 in advance and $20 at the door, and you can call or email Heather at the Pubaret for a table reservation for dinner. I hope you’ll join me on Friday night for I Know it’s Today and my perspective on what it’s like to be a single gal in Toronto!

If you were putting on a show about your dating experiences, what song would you sing and why?