Living the Width

“I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it.  I want to have lived the width of it as well”. 

~Diane Ackerman

"You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth."

~Evan Esar

A few weeks ago one of my Saturday morning members shared the sentiment of these quotes with my meeting and everyone in the room just nodded and clapped in agreement. I’ve been thinking a lot about this concept of late, and I’ve been unknowingly working to apply it all summer.

To me, living the width means savouring the present moment. I have been so blessed this year to be living the most amazing life I know how. While I have had some challenges, I couldn’t be happier with everything that surrounds me each day. When I originally decided to go to school, I didn’t think I would be starting until this September. I think back to my frame of mind last fall, and cannot imagine having had to wait an entire year to begin school!! I think I would have lost my marbles and been incredibly unhappy. Starting school in January was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and I don’t know how I ever could have done things differently. It feels so great to be living the life that I want to live and doing so many things that I love. Between Fringe-ing, cottage-ing, picnicking in the park, singing, frolicking in the sunshine, meeting new people or just reading a good book sprawled out at the top of the Riverdale hill, I’ve had a pretty brilliant summer. I feel as though I’ve been living the width of each spontaneous moment and for the first time in a very long time, I’ve been able to actually enjoy summer, rather than be stuck at a desk 9-5. It has truly been a gift.

Living the width of your life also involves listening to your heart. I’m a go-with-my-gut kinda gal. Sometimes this gets me into trouble, but it’s always the right thing to do. It’s so easy to over think/over analyze any situation. This year has taught me that in my heart I know what I need to do, and it’s just about being brave enough to take a leap of faith and actually do it.

While we can positively impact the length of our lives through the choices we are making, it is absolutely up to us to live for the moment and expand the width as well. Every day is a new opportunity to do something great and enjoy the wonderful gifts that life has to offer. I am thankful for this amazing summer that I have had, and look forward to continuing to live the width of my life well beyond 2010.

What does living the width of your life mean to you?

What If Everything You Knew About Yourself Was Changing?

On Sunday I sat down to write this post and this is what started flowing…

After last week’s post on weight maintenance and a particularly emotional meeting on Saturday morning I did a lot of thinking and I’ve come to the conclusion that I think I’ve been having a bit of an identity crisis lately.

It was my Saturday members who really inspired this discovery. We were talking about the concept of “identity” with regards to weight loss. Losing weight is about so much more than just eating right and exercising; There is a whole frame of mind and many changes in behaviours, habits and beliefs that need to occur in order for a person to lose weight and keep it off. A big fear that we talked about on Saturday is will I be able to keep the weight off and/or sustain this lifestyle. I also think fears of the unknown and also the fear of success can be debilitating for people as they go through this process; Seeing yourself as a new person who eats a different way, behaves in a new way and participates in new activities with different people is unchartered territory for many.

It has been so exciting for me to make so many changes in my life of late, and the catalyst for all of them was my decision to lose weight back in 2006. I have nothing but positive things to say about the things in my life right now: friends, school, work, house, performing and life in general; but on the flip side of this, I’ve really created a whole new me and I’m still discovering who that person is. As a result I think I’ve been feeling a…

And that’s where it ended. I wanted to talk about this concept of “identity” and who I am, but didn’t know where I was going and what sort of self exploration needed to happen, so I just left it and figured that I would continue to write on Monday.

I was thinking about the post on my way home from school yesterday as I was walking through Withrow Park. It was a glorious sunny day and I suddenly had the urge to sit myself down on a swing and read A Thousand Names for Joy, which was stashed away in my bag.

So I did. It had been awhile since I had read it and I knew I was close to the end, but once I opened the page to where the bookmark was resting, everything became clear.

Page 232: If you want to know me, look inside your heart.

Page 234-235: Grace means understanding that where you are is where you always wanted to be. It means losing that arm and noticing what remains, in full appreciation and gratitude, and seeing at the same time how much better off your life is without the arm, and all the benefits that this new way brings. It’s the realization that where you are and what you are and what everything is and how it is, in every moment is your heart’s desire, fulfilled beyond what you ever could have imagined.

Page 245: Eventually there is no fear. You come to feel total acceptance: “I am this, for now.” And it’s all okay.

Page 258: Failure is an opportunity. It is impossible to fail at anything. Your success just may not look the way you thought it would.

While failure hasn’t been on my mind of late per say, I think the fear of success and the unknown have been factors for me. It has also been a challenge to settle into this new life and just be me without worrying about who that is and that it’s all okay. Everything has changed completely for me lately and in many ways I’m starting off fresh. Life is (still) sweet and I’m just going to bask in that glory as I explore what is, take it day by day and just be myself in this beautiful reality I have created.

I want you too to find that peace; To go within yourself and feel great about the person you are today, the changes/steps you have taken and that recognize that it’s okay to be you.

The quote from my meetings last week really resonated with my members and I promised that I would post it:

Watch your thoughts for they become words
Watch your words for they become actions
Watch your actions for they become habits
Watch your habits for they become character
Watch your character for it becomes your destiny

I love this, not only because of its eloquence, but because it has proved to be absolute truth in my life.

Amazing.

Weight Maintenance For the Long Haul – What Does It Take?

In August of 2006, I decided that I needed to lose weight. There are probably people who have heard this story 1,000 times (and I’ve told versions of my beginnings on the blog before, here in pictures here with my fat vest and here with an old Myspace journal entry) but it was after seeing my EuroTrip 2006 pictures that I recognized that I needed to make a change in my life. I was feeling terrible about my body and realized that I had terrible eating habits with no sense of moderation. It was hard and I struggled, but ultimately I got to my goal weight and was awarded my Lifetime membership to Weight Watchers.

April 11, 2010 marked my three year anniversary of being at goal and a vow to myself that I would never go back to that weight or feeling that way.

In three years I’ve been able to maintain fairly successfully and I’ve always been under my “official” goal weight. When I got really sick, I lost more weight, but some of it back on and then maintained around there for a long time. In the last few months my weight has fluctuated a bit and I’ve been working to get back into my sweet spot, but for the last three years I’ve been where I want to be. It’s been work, but I’ve done it.

A few weeks ago I received an email from one of my members with a link to an article on a recent poll regarding weight loss and maintenance. The poll showed that more than 2/3 of Canadians had tried to loss weight over the last five years and of that number less than 25% had been able to maintain a weight loss over a five year period.

Added to this, in class on Monday we were discussing obesity. Now I had always known that once you have gained weight, it’s easier for your body to gain it back, but I didn’t know that it actually a factor at the cellular level. My basic understanding is that when we gain weight, our fat cells multiply and get bigger. When we lose weight, the fat cells shrink in size, but we are left with the same number of fat cells. Thanks, biology.

So what does it take to be part of “results not typical” group? In my experience there has been so much more to losing weight and keeping it off than eating right and exercise; it has come down to attitude, habits and behaviour.

When it comes to weight loss, it seems that many people go into it thinking that they will change their eating habits temporarily, lose the weight and then go back to the way they used to eat/live. Or sometimes in order to lose weight they will deprive themselves of all their favourite things and restrict themselves so much that they get frustrated and binge and/or quit. Neither of these approaches are a formula for longevity and I think both can attribute to people gaining weight back after they’ve lost it.

I think the moment you try to lose weight and you think of it as a “diet” or something temporary, it is going to be just that. In order for things you to stick, I really believe that you need to embrace the changes as embarking on a new lifestyle. In that paradigm it seems much more permanent and solid; a resolution or way of living rather than just a band aid on the problem or quick fix. Quick fixes don’t address the issues at hand, nor do they last.

I’ve been known in my meetings to say “there is no save button at goal” and quote Leslie Beck by saying that everything you need to do in order to lose weight is everything you need to do to keep it off. To maintain your weight you need to keep up with the way you’re eating and you need to be exercising but you also need to be maintaining your habits, continually setting goals and maintaining an overall positive attitude about the changes you’ve made in your life. Your habits, behaviour and attitude are going to be the glue that holds everything together and are going to be integral in your weight maintenance success.

It takes a lot of guts to make the decision to lose weight. It’s not an easy task, but definitely a rewarding one. When you find your groove, it’s really exciting and reaching the place you want to be is ridiculously fulfilling. It’s at this point that you need to make the conscious decision to continue forward by giving yourself permission to embrace your new lifestyle as part of your identity.

In 2006 when I joined WW, I never would have dreamed of the places this path has taken me. It’s been a long and winding road, but I’m really proud of how far I have come and I continue to look forward to the next leg of the journey. I have learned so much about myself since 2006 and I know that this learning will just continue in the days to come. My motivation for keeping the weight off has changed, but it is something that I am determined to do. Every day I am reminded that I am not perfect and that this is something I’m going to have to work at (even just a little bit) for the rest of my life and you know what? I’m okay with that. I want to go back to Europe and take new pictures, because I no longer cringe when I see photos of myself like I did back in 2006.   Is maintenance hard? Sometimes, yes.

But is it better than going back to 30+ lbs ago and feeling the way I did then? Absolutely.

I want to open this up to you now because I know this can be a fairly hot topic and one that a lot of people want guidance on… 

If you’ve lost weight or changed your lifestyle in the past, what has helped you to keep it up? What habits, behaviours or shifts in attitude have helped you to be successful? Have you been able to maintain your weight loss/lifestyle changes? If not, what changed? What do you think it takes to keep weight off in the long term?

 

Live for Today

This time last year, I was working in my office job, working for Weight Watchers on Saturdays, and living with Joey. I had just finished a show and had been diagnosed with Crohn’s only a couple of months prior. I was just embarking on a gluten free, dairy free lifestyle and finding my passion for food and nutrition in the process.

It hit me on Saturday how much my life has changed. I find this especially interesting when I go back into the archives of this blog and see that in March of last year I wrote a post called “Everyone who got where he is, began where he was” and it’s amazing to me to see how far I have come in so many ways.

As I walked home from my Weight Watchers meetings I stopped to take in my surroundings and it struck me that I was no longer walking to my old house. For nearly 2 years that Saturday walk has been such a normal part of my routine and this weekend it really hit me that my life has really changed drastically.

I have so many beautiful things to celebrate in my life right now: attending school, working in a job that I love, finishing the run of an amazing show and spending time with amazing friends, both new  and old.

Even with all of these blessings, I’ve found myself in a bit of a funk this week and I think it has to do with my break up. Taking that walk to my new house on Saturday put my relationship status into perspective and made me miss Joey. With all the changes in my life of late, I believe I put the grieving of my relationship on hold. I know that it’s okay to feel sad sometimes, so I'm giving myself the opportunity to do that so that I can continue to move forward.

This week at Weight Watchers we’ve been talking about learning from our experience and it’s been wonderful to gain insight into what my members can learn from their past experiences, both good and bad. To close my meetings this week I’ve been quoting Albert Einstein: “Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Hope for tomorrow” I think this is a good philosophy for life in general and am working to use it as my mantra to get out of this funk. I know that I have conquered many challenges in my life and recognize that my feelings of late are valid and honest. I am being true to myself and as the saying goes “whatever doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger”. Here’s hoping for tomorrow <3

What can you learn from your past experiences? Does seeing your past successes and/or failures as feedback help you in the present moment?

What Does Preparing Yourself Mean to You?

Is your calendar for December filling up with social gatherings, parties, dinners and other events? Are you feeling overwhelmed? Now is the time to figure out how you’re going to handle it, by preparing yourself.

At my meetings on Saturday, I asked my members what preparing yourself meant to them and here’s what they came up with:

• Planning – including meals for the day and/or week, Points values for favourite treats as well as activity. Having a game plan means that you’re more likely to make things happen the way you want them to go. While it might seem daunting while you’re doing it, planning ahead saves you time in the long run and makes your life easier.
• Learning from experience – what has worked or not worked in the past? Where were you at this time last year and what are you going to do differently or exactly the same this year? Take these lessons learned and apply them to your intentions for the holiday season.
• Asking for help – getting support from others to help you through the challenging times is so important. Talk to friends. Read blogs. If you’re a WW member, make your meetings a priority. You’re not alone in this and will always have people to help you be successful.
• Taking care of yourself – Putting yourself at the TOP of your busy to do list even when you’ve got parties to attend, presents to buy or meals to make allows you to achieve balance. You can do this in whatever way feels good to you. Maybe it’s having a nap or going to bed an hour earlier. Taking an afternoon off work to do a bit of shopping. Finding some quiet time to do yoga or read a book. It’s an easy time of year to forget about the #1 person in your life – you. Putting yourself first, puts you in a better place to take care of everyone else in your life.
• Making healthy options available – Stocking up your pantry and fridge with healthy choices and easy grab n go options, making it easier for you to make good choices even when you’re super busy. Or if you’re attending a pot luck, bringing a healthy dish so you know you have at least one great option available to choose.
• Mentally rehearsing – Practice makes perfect! Who are you going to encounter? (I’m going to talk more about this next week when the topic is managing food-centered relationships…) What are you going to say? Where are you going to position yourself? What are you going to eat? Rehearsing these things ahead of time makes it a lot easier to actually do them when you get to the event.
• Keeping your goal in mind – When you have a goal, you have a direction and know what you need to do in order to get there. Is having a whole box of Turtles or skipping out on exercise for a week because you “don’t feel like it” going to help you get to where you want to be by December 31st? What needs to happen for you to reach your goal? What are some ways that you can remind yourself of your goals when things get busy? Maybe you could write them on a sticky or card to keep in a prominent place at your desk or stash in your purse.

It was great to hear my members’ thoughts on preparing themselves. Between all of them, I think they came up with some really great ideas and strategies and it was great because they were able to do almost all of the talking! Thinking about these strategies now is so important because the objective is that you’ll feel less overwhelmed and stressed by the time that you’re up to your ears in holiday baking, wine, and wrapping paper. Preparing yourself is setting yourself up for success!

How are you preparing yourself for busy times ahead?
Where would you like to be by December 31st 2009?
What needs to happen for you to get there?

Tips for Maintaining Sanity During Tech Week (or Life)

This week has been absolutely insane.

On Friday I had a date night with Joey. We went for Indian food (delish) and did a little shopping. On Saturday, I led three busy meetings, did two classes at the gym and read my new book. On Sunday I went to Lindsay’s WW meeting, meal planned & grocery shopped, took a Weight Watchers conference call, made dinner then went to the theatre for 6 hours. Since then it’s been chaos as we prepare to open Annie on Thursday.

This feeling has inspired me to share some tips on keeping sane during tech week or just busy times in your life (like the month of December, perhaps?)

1. Be prepared
When performing in a show, it’s not just about knowing your lines, cues, costume changes and choreography, it’s also about planning your life. For me, being prepared is meal planning, having good food in the house, slow cooker meals that are easy to prep and packing everything with me so I can eat throughout the day. That’s lunch (mega salad with mixed greens, avocado, cucumber, peppers, sprouts, chickpeas, hummus & hemp seeds), dinner (potato kale enchiladas from Veganomican) & snacks (apple, banana & pb&j larabar) It requires a little bit of thought in the morning, but for me it is a safety net because I know I have delicious, Ashley-friendly food for the whole day AND I don’t have to spend money.

2. Take care of yourself
I called in sick yesterday because I needed to rest. I took a 2.5 hour nap and it was glorious. (Although I felt like I was back at square 1 again when I got home from the theatre at 12:40am) I also used the time to make a yummy dinner and actually spend some time with Joey enjoying it! Roasted acorn squash stuffed with snobby joes (another Veganomican fav) with some steamed Brussel Sprouts on the side. I also made the effort to go to the gym on Saturday because I knew that it would be a great way to relax (Bodyflow + Zumba) but also because I knew I wouldn’t have time to get back there for a few days.

Onstage, taking care of yourself, also means worrying about your own business. This is a good approach to take in life as well. As Byron Katie says, if you’re busy worrying about other people’s business, there’s no one there to worry about yours!

3. Have fun
Even though you’re tired or cranky or stressed.
Even when you have to get up for work early the next morning.
Even when your hair and make up goes from looking like this:

to this:

Not everyone in the world can say that they get to be onstage, acting singing and dancing up a storm. Performing is something that I find so much pleasure in, yet sometimes I need to be reminded of that after rehearsal that lasts from 6pm-12am! At the end (or beginning) of the day, I’m excited that I get to do what I love!!

How do you prepare yourself, take care of yourself and/or have fun?

2009, 58 Days and Counting

Last week I asked you to think about what you hope to accomplish before 2010 comes around. I’ve been thinking a lot about this as of late (as you might guess from all my posts on taking care of yourself, finding balance and taking risks) and I thought it would be good to write out some of my goals to take me through to 2010.

1. Eat mindfully – I came to a realization the other night, that I have a tendency to eat out of habit. Sometimes I think I should be eating, so I’ll make a snack. Or I feel like a snack would somehow make me feel “better”, because I’ve often used food as a comfort. I want to focus on eating purposefully. While I’m proud of the way I eat and the foods I put into my body, I want to work on listening to my body’s needs. I will do this by taking the time to stop and ask myself whether I’m actually hungry or I’m eating because of boredom or another emotion. I can absolutely do this, and I think it will help me to get in touch with what I actually need in each moment.
   
2. Love my body – It took me more than a year to come to terms with my new weight and body, and this year I’ve worked really hard to tone and shape. For one of the first times in my life (that I can think of) I am proud of my body. It’s so easy to focus on our flaws and be negative, but I want to keep my head up and stay positive with this. I have another belly dance recital coming up in December and I know that I’m going to feel confident and gorgeous in my cropped top and feeling that way is an incredible accomplishment.
   
3. Move more - While I didn’t exercise/go to the gym as much as I had hoped last month (20 days/31 rather than the goal of 24 I had set for myself), I did do something 20 days and I think that’s great!! I hit the gym for bodyflow, zumba and a couple of runs, went to bellydancing, walked a bunch and took a lyrical class. Finding the time is much more of a challenge when I’m doing a show, but this month I hope to continue making activity a priority. I will do this by scheduling workouts, going with a buddy and making time to go to the gym in the morning at least once a week.
   
4. “Stop talking yourself out of the life you want most” – Tina posted this quote on Carrots N Cake last night and truly resonated with me. On Monday I was feeling very negative, stressed and scared about the decisions and challenges that lay before me, but after talking with Joey, wonderful friends and doing The Work, I was really able to turn my negative thoughts around. I am sorry to be so cryptic, but I promise that everything will reveal itself in due time. I can honestly say that 2010 is going to be an amazing year, and thinking positively is absolutely going to help me get to where I want to be.

As you think about what it is that *you* would like to accomplish over the next two months, I encourage you to consider this quote:

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams!
Live the life you've imagined.
(Henry David Thoreau)

Whatever it is you’re working towards, be passionate about it and give it all you’ve got. Think about the steps you need to take in order to reach your goals, and get to it! Only you can stand in your own way of the fantastic life you’ve dreamed of.

I Think I’m Gonna Like It Here

Thanks for all of your awesome feedback on my make up and beauty stuff post – so many new products to try out! One of my good friends works in the Body Care section at the Big Carrot and is always pointing me in the direction of fun new products. I will remember to post details when I find something good! And please keep sending your suggestions and recommendations my way.

The last few days have been super busy and I have only a few pictures to show for it! I will say again, if you are in Toronto and you haven’t bought tickets for Annie, you need to get on that! I had an amazing 7 hour rehearsal yesterday and I’m absolutely thrilled with the progress we’re making. The Annies are adorable, the kids know their lines better than I do, Warbucks is perfect and I have a kick-ass dance partner who lifts me across the stage like it’s nothing. You’re going to kick yourself if you miss it!!

Yesterday morning before rehearsal, Joey, Lori and I went back to Lady Marmalade for some brunch-y goodness. We waited about 15 minutes for a table but it was absolutely worth it. I started off with some hot apple cider. AH-mazing. Such a lovely way to put a stressful week behind me start my meal. I followed up with a vegan “huevos migas”

Scrambled tofu with tomatoes, scallions, corn tortilla chips, brown rice n beans and pico de gallo salsa. It was incredibly delicious and gave me great fuel for a long day ahead! I think Lady Marmalade might be my new fav for brunch…

Other yummy eats this week included an afternoon smoothie from Sadie’s Diner, spaghetti squash mexicana, and a yummy plate from the Big Carrot. (including kale!)

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I had 3 awesome meetings on Saturday where we talked about the importance of taking care of yourself. I’m always amazed when the WW topic reflects what I need to be working on for myself. It’s like the WW gods know exactly what I need!! I’m really taking my own advice and working to take time for myself this week. Remember that by taking care of yourself, you’re in a better position to do all of the jobs in your life and take care of the other people in your life and overall just be the best you that you can be. Do something nice for yourself this week by having a hot bath, making time to do yoga or take a class at the gym, taking time for a proper breakfast, going to bed an hour early or just turning off your blackberry (Yes, blackberries and iphones do come equipped with off buttons. Shocking, but true).

What are some ways that you put yourself first?

Check back later today for the continuation of the ABC’s of Vegan Goodness with the letters N & O. Any guesses??

Second to last week of summer – eats & learning from experience

It’s sad that “summer” is coming an end – but I’m looking forward to fall! It was weird to get back to work this week after my time away, but I was busy so I had no choice but to adjust pretty quickly! This week I also started rehearsals for “Annie” so I’m coping with having rehearsal up to 3 times each week. I’m going to do a post very soon on planning for dinners when you’re super busy!

I made some yummy eats this week, beginning with the lasagne from Veganomicon: The Ultimate Vegan Cookbook.

It was delightful!! (Sorry for the sloppy picture, mine was the first piece out and that NEVER goes well!) It was so filling and I loved the tofu ricotta. To make it gluten free I used no-boil brown rice noodles which worked amazingly well and to bump up the veggie content I added sautéed mushrooms and peppers and served it with a green salad with a simple salad dressing (apple cider vinegar, grape seed oil with a bit of Dijon). Both Joey and I really enjoyed this recipe. It makes a lot so there is some in my freezer for quick go-to meals. Can that cookbook do any wrong? Seriously.

One of my amazing & thoughtful members sent me this recipe for Portobello & zucchini tacos awhile back and I finally made them:

Wow!! So simple and delicious. I served them on brown rice tortillas with some salsa and avocado alongside the lentil black bean salad from La Dolce Vegan!: Vegan Livin' Made Easy. Such a great combination! We enjoyed everything again for lunch the next day:

(Note the cheese in Joey’s and the avocado in mine ) Joey’s so cute about his packed lunches. He prefers taking a lunch to having to buy it as well! It saves us both a ton of money, and I feel good knowing that he has healthy choices, because who KNOWS what he would choose if left to his own devices (kidding, sort of).

On Wednesday night I went into a frenzy making roasted ratatouille,

(which I enjoyed with some brown rice on my way to rehearsal the following day)

homemade larabars

(enjoyed with some oatmeal for breakfast) and then doing the 30 Day Shred. Both recipes were awesome! I will definitely be making more “larabars” in the future because they are super easy, delicious and a lot less expensive than buying them! I’ve stored some in the freezer for future use.

In the meeting room this week we talked about looking ahead to the fall and learning from our experiences from the summer. Here are some of the things I learned this summer:

• Taking PROPER vacations are an important way to take care of myself. I will be taking more in the future. Vacation days are not just for running errands and appointments!
• I learned that I am capable of a lot more physically that I ever thought possible. This summer I tried indoor cycling, Booty Camp and performed in my first public belly dance performance. I’ve also joined a gym and am having a ball doing classes!
• I’ve also realized how far I’ve come from the girl who started Weight Watchers 3+ years ago
• I’ve also realized how much I love fruits, vegetables and foods from the earth and have tried a ton of new recipes

On Saturday we also talked about applying our newfound summer knowledge to the achievement of our goals. I’m still working on the goals that I set out back in July and I’m currently using the storyboarding tool to determine the best course of action to help get me there!

What did you learn this summer? What are you going to take away from your experience to apply to the goals you’re currently working towards?

Who wears short shorts?

I haven't worn shorts in, oh I don't know, 8 years? Maybe even more. And even then it was a mandatory gym uniform. I wear skirts, capris or pants, but no shorts. Even after losing 33 lbs, I never wore shorts outside the house (and even inside was rare) I didn't like the way my legs looked in shorts so I didn't want to subject anyone else to having to look at them.

This all changed last week after Monday's Boot Camp session. It was hot and I started thinking that maybe I would be a little more comfortable in a pair of shorts over the next few weeks? But wearing shorts, would mean going into a change room and trying them on, which would lead to buying them and then taking the plunge and wearing them in public - could it be done?

The answer my friends, is yes.

I took a trip to the Nike store last week and purchased two pairs of shorts. I would be lying if I said that trying on 6 different pairs in the change room was easy. Not only was the lighting bad, but the negative self talk in my head started up as soon as I had dropped my pants.

"Your thighs are going to look fat"

"You have cellulite"

"You are going to feel self-conscious"

SHUT UP!!!

I pushed out the negative thoughts by reminding myself of how hard I was working at boot camp. All of those squats, lunges, and burpees aren't just for kicks - as a result of doing them I am changing my body. I had an objective look at my body (in the horribly lit, full length mirror) and felt proud of how far I had come from 3 years ago. I told myself that I looked great. I told myself that I feel awesome and healthy. And I finally reminded myself how much cooler I was going to feel in shorts when it's 30+ degrees outside. After all of this tug of war I decided on a grey pair and a pink pair and took them to the cash.

I wore my pink pair to Booty Camp on Monday night.

Joey even told me that my butt looked good!!

I have to say that I felt a little self conscious after seeing that picture and stepping outside the comfort of my own home, but then I decided that I was going to rock my shorts. It felt really great to be kicking my issues to the curb and doing what made me feel good.

I reminded myself of all the things I've accomplished in the last three years and told myself that I looked great. I also thought about how silly it was to be obsessing over something like an article of clothing. Other girls in the class wear shorts. Heck, millions of people in the WORLD wear shorts! There was no real reason for me not to be wearing shorts.

The power of positive thinking is an incredible thing and I really encourage you all to rid yourself of those negative words and thoughts that have been swirling around your head.

The first step is to recognize those negative thoughts. Think about the words that you are using. I heard myself using terms like "self-conscious", "fat", and "cellulite" and realized how horrible I was sounding. Negative thoughts often have words like can't, never, only, but, or won't. Once you realize that you're thinking negatively you need to...

Challenge those negative thoughts! Just like I did with my own comments about my shorts, ask yourself if what you're saying is realistic or grounded in any sort of reality. Would you make these comments to a family member, friend or loved one? Then...

Replace the negatives with positives. Rather than focusing on the negative, find positive things about the experience. Maybe you're frustrated because you overate at dinner. Instead of thinking negatively, go through the situation in your head and see what you did do to help and think about what you learned from the experience. When my negative short thoughts crept in, I thought about all the weight that I have lost and the work I'm doing at Boot Camp and kicked my negative thoughts out the door with my much more positive thoughts.

Don't beat yourself up over negative thoughts - they do happen and it can take time to change your thinking and your habits. You can do it!

There have been a few posts in the blog world in the last week or so about loving your body and they've really hit home for me. Check out Leslie's post on her experience in the fashion industry. It is really brave writing and I really applaud Leslie for putting herself out there like that. You can also check out Operation Beautiful. Caitlin's initiative has really taken the idea of positive thinking to a new level. I think it's absolutely wonderful.

How do you get past negative thoughts? How has positive thinking improved your quality of life and/or your weight loss journey?

When it rains, it pours

No, I'm not talking about the chillier weather we've been having in Toronto this week - I'm talking about my life!!

First it started with being completely exhausted and my phone breaking on Saturday. 

Then I got sick. 

And then last night we had to take our cat Eric to the emergency vet clinic because we thought he might have had a urinary tract infection or blockage. 

Seriously?

While I was making dinner last night, Joey called me downstairs and told me to look at Eric. He was squatting in a strange spot in the hallway and staring off into space. We thought it was strange behavior, but we went on to eat dinner and watch Biggest Loser. At around 9:30, we noticed that he was still acting strange and doing the squatting in the hallway thing. We noticed little spots of pee on the carpet and started to get worried. We looked up some of his symptoms on the Internet and then got really worried. We called the emergency vet and they told us to bring him right in. 

I should tell you now that taking Eric to the vet is quite an ordeal. He turns into a monster. I always feel like that mother you feel sorry for in the grocery store whose toddler is screaming and having a complete tantrum and the mother is saying things like "I don't know why he's acting like this, he never does this at home".  He is downright nasty at the vet - hissing, biting, scratching and acting more like a horror movie villain than the sweetie pie cat he is at home. 

The vet tech managed to grab him by the scruff and feel his bladder which she said was small and hard, indicating a potential blockage. After they whisked him away to the back room we were told that we needed to provide at $550 deposit for treatment. If we didn't use all of it we would receive a refund. Gulp. 

The vet chatted with us about his symptoms and confirmed what the vet tech (and our Internet research) suspected. She told us she would be right back with a quote for their services. The quote was for $1500!!!! 3+ days at the vet, a catheter insertion, x-rays, blood tests etc. We love Eric, but $1500 is more than we pay in rent each month. We decided to instead take him home and bring him to our regular vet in the morning. We had to sign a waiver that said we were going against medical advice and if anything happened to him, it was our fault and not theirs. 

Eric was high as a kite when we brought him home. In order to examine the little guy they gave him some valium to calm him down. It was pretty funny to see him so dopey and stoned. 

This morning we took him to our normal vet who examined him and determined that he wasn't blocked and that everything seemed okay. He was urinating fine and there was nothing sketchy in the urine. The picture at the top of the post in from our visit today. He's wearing the collar so that he couldn't bite the vet's face off. I wish I was kidding. 

After a thorough examination he gave Eric some antibiotics and told us to keep in touch in case he started acting strangely again. Our visit this morning cost nowhere close to $1500. Eric is currently curled up next to me and he seems to be back to his normal self. 

This week's challenges and an email from one of my members today, reminded me that when life throws you lemons - don't binge on lemon pie! It's important to try and find non-food ways to deal with our stress, because often one of the first things we turn to when we're tired, stressed, worried, sad, depressed or excited is food. And it's usually not brussel sprouts or brown rice. 

It's important to take care of yourself and manage your feelings. This could include: taking a walk, doing yoga, practicing meditation, having a hot bath, enjoying some hot tea, retail therapy, having a chat with a good friend, going for a run, kickboxing, dancing, snuggling with someone you care about or curling up with a good book. With our hectic lives, schedules and unexpected events we really need to put ourselves at the top of our lists and ensure that we're doing okay too. This will be helpful for your sanity and wellbeing as well as your weight loss efforts. 

Tonight I took a nice walk to the Carrot, and plan to do some yoga and have a nice hot bath after I catch up on some blog reading. After the week I've had, I think I deserve it!!

I'm always amazed...

when the meeting topic is a perfect reminder of what I need to do that week as a member.

It has happened several times now, and I'm always thankful when it does happen. Even though I am a WW Leader, I will always be a member first. It's easy to forget sometimes, but it's so important to my journey.

Tomorrow we're talking about the 8 Helpful Habits and it couldn't have come at a better time. I'll write more about this later this weekend and I'll share with the meeting room tomorrow exactly what I needed to work on this week and why it was so important.

If you're reading this now (and want to be a keener for tomorrow's meeting), read through your Week 4 book - Habits of Successful Members --or-- peruse the list of habits below:

Ask for Help
Learn from Experience
Manage Your Environment
Manage Your Feelings
Manage Your Thoughts
Monitor Yourself
Prepare Yourself
Take Care of Yourself

and start to think about....

the Habit(s) you're already good at
the Habit(s) you find challenging
the Habit(s) you are focused on getting better at

and I'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning!

No day but today

While I always think that every week's meeting topic is important, I think last week's topic couldn't have come at a better time for me personally and really resonated with many of my members as well. In my meetings on Saturday we talked about the importance of Taking Care of Yourself.

In our daily lives, it's pretty amazing how we can push ourselves to the backburner while we tend to our various roles in life. By taking care of yourself, you're really making yourself better equipped to take on those roles and be the best that you can be.

Taking care of yourself means saying no to:

1. always letting others' needs take priority
2. allowing have-to's dominate your life
3. losing motivation
4. being a yes (wo)man
5. feeling guilty about making your weight-loss efforts a priority
   

Take a moment and examine your life. Is your schedule filled with things that you are doing for other people constantly? Where's the "me" time? Is your motivation taking a dive? Do you have to schedule 3 months in advance to do something nice for yourself? If you answered yes to any of these, it's time to step back for a moment and find something that you can do for yourself. Can you ask for help? Is there someone in your life who can help relieve you of some of your duties? Or are things going to calm down soon? What can you do to make yourself a priority?

In my meeting this week I ended with the quote "no day, but today" from the musical Rent. I told my members to make today count and really start taking care of themselves. As someone who leads a very busy life, this is something I need to remind myself of constantly and this meeting topic couldn't have come at a better time. This week I encourage you to also Take Care of Yourself by saying yes to:

1. Valuing your own needs (as much as you value the needs of others)
2. Making time to do activities you love
3. Finding the motivation to work towards your goals
4. Learning to say no to requests that will get in the way of commitments you've made for yourself
5. Saying goodbye to guilt