The things I'd tell my 8 year old self

This clipping from Tiger Beat magazine surfaced on Facebook over the weekend...

Each month the magazine would publish pics and bios from readers looking for pen pals. When I wrote it, I was in grade 3, in a school that I loved with some sweet friends. I did lots of extra-curriculars and my parents were the centre of my world. My brother had just been born and I was adjusting to my new role as a big sister. I was a happy kid and was appreciative to have a lovely little life.This little snippet in Tiger Beat would generate more than 200 letters from people all over the world and it was so much fun to write to all these new people and make new friends.

The post garnered a lot of attention from friends and family on Facebook ranging from people reminiscing about their own pen pals from when they were younger to my dad mentioning how he thinks the postman hated us because I ended up receiving over 200 letters from all over the world.

Seeing this article made me feel nostalgic of that time in my life and generally just being a kid. I've seen many posts in the blog world about lessons people have learned over the course of their life or things they would tell their teenage self and while it may seem a little silly and random, I couldn't help but think about what I would go back and tell my 8 year-old self, both practically and for future reference

• In 20 years you'll still love to dance and read. You'll even write a blog called "dancing through life". In 20 years you'll even know what a blog is. 
• Cats will be a crazy phenomenon on something called the internet in 20 years. Trendsetter. 
• You don't actually like skating. your grandmother just dreams of you being in some sort of Figure Skating championship and you want to make her happy. She'll get over it. 
• In 20 years, you will still squeal because of New Kids on the Block. 
• You'll also still have an affinity for Zack Morris
• Years from now you will giggle at the clothes you and your mom thought were cool. Even the Blossom hats. 
• You will eventually break your promise of writing back to everyone who writes to you because you will receive so many letters. Some of them will be boring. Or really long. Or come in on a day when you get 9 others and have Brownies that night. That's ok. They will forgive you. 
• You will continue to exchange letters with the lovely gal from the Philippines and in 20 years the two of you will remain connected on something called Facebook. 
• You will not meet boys through this pen pal program because your mom will go through all your letters before you. Don't worry, there will be plenty of boys in the years to come. Trust me. 
• Speaking of boys, that boy you have a crush on at school? You'll move away and come back and reconnect with him when you're 17 and he'll become your high school sweetheart. 20 years from now he'll still be a very special person in your life and you'll cherish his friendship immensely. 
• Hug your mom and tell her you love her often. 

Definitely fun to think about and reminisce. The world has changed a lot since then, but in other ways not so much. Oh Tiger Beat. Oh 8 year old me. Thanks to my Uncle Glen (or Unkie as I called him back then!) for posting this clipping on Facebook. 

Did you have pen pals growing up? Did you read Tiger Beat? 

What would you tell your 8 year old self?

A Very Happy Birthday Gal, Everywhere You Look

This weekend marked the beginning of another year in my 20's, and I feel so blessed to have spent it with some of my most favourite people, in some of the coolest places, doing some of my absolute favourite things!!

Saturday was just all around awesome. I started off with a great spin class and then spent the afternoon relaxing and blissing out with my little sister at Body Blitz. I. Love. That. Place! I always leave feeling 100x more relaxed and happy and joyous. I can't wait until they open their east end location!

Saturday night involved copious amounts of sushi, a great playlist, amazing cake from LPK'S Culinary Groove, beautiful friends and a Full House puzzle.

The Full House puzzle was an amazing gift from Ashley and after I dumped it out on the floor we had no choice but to spend the next hour putting it together.

When's the last time you did a puzzle without your grandma?!

You got it dude.

Other sweet gifts included fun sparkly things, hair bows and this perfect notebook

They know me too well… We followed up the house shenanigans with a trip to The Boat for Chronologic where we danced like no one was watchin’. They start off with music from the 1890’s and play songs all the way up to the present day, spending a whole lot of time in the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. It was all sorts of amazing and I laughed, smiled and squealed the night away.

There were Ashley’s galore, my little sister, Charlie’s Angels, friends, roomates, my high school sweetheart and complete strangers who did things like sing happy birthday to me and/or buy me drinks.

My actual birthday was Sunday and I had a wonderful day with more people that I adore, wonderful food (including a stellar dinner at Hogtown Vegan), flowers, sweet gifts, sunshine and a birthday nap. The birthday goodness continued into Monday with beautiful flowers and cards from my awesometown team at work.

I am a very happy girl.

Thank you to everyone who was a part of such a wonderful weekend of joy including everyone’s awesome messages on the Twitter and Facebook! I am so very excited for the year ahead!

In the spirit of my birth week and fun outings… I’m giving away a pair of tickets to DefineTO happening this Thursday April 12 at the Fifth. DefineTO is encouraging people to “be the exception, not the rule” by being passionate, fearless and social and using social media to spread good and connect the awesome people of Toronto. The proceeds of the event will be going to The Remix Project.

In order to win, go follow DefineTO on the Twitter and then tweet “Hey @ashleydtl I wanna be the exception, not the rule and support @theremixproject @defineTO” I’ll be choosing one winner after 5pm today from all the twitter entries. Good luck!

It’s Too Hot For Anything But Love

Found written in my kitchen and I can’t help but agree…

With that in mind – things I’m loving from the long weekend:

My new crush, Zyz

We totally fell in love over the weekend while I was housesitting for my lovely friends Stefne & John. He is just the cutest thing on the planet.

Multiple meals at Fresh

including their new gluten free vegan banana nut pancakes with tempeh bacon for brunchy on Sunday

I don’t eat pancakes often enough. These were stellar.

Round two involved a delicious cherry blossom smoothie, a baby beach bowl and many giggles with Dani. That girl is all kinds of awesome. Love some things on the new menu. Don’t love the new prices.

Other yummy eats…
including delectable Ontario strawberries

sweet treats from even sweeter neighbours

salads with sweet potato hummus on the run

and dins with a lychee martini at Insomnia.

Also had a ball dancing with my besties at Chronologic, calling out obscenities at Rocky Horror, getting my butt kicked with the new RPM release at Goodlife and loving my hair as Rapunzel in Into the Woods

Okay so maybe Rapunzel’s love of her hair is a little more manic… but you get the idea.

Annnnnd only 22 more sleeps til NYC #squeal

How was your long weekend? What are you loving?

More Than Just a Number

I feel like I’ve been at war with the number on the scale.

I’ve alluded to the fact that I was struggling amid my break up, but never really talked about how bad things had gotten. Have you noticed the lack of food pictures on my blog of late? Yes, I’ve been busy. Yes I was moving. But there were a few weeks in January when I wasn’t really eating and a good portion of the month of February when I was eating my emotions away.

I’ve talked in the past about managing our emotions in non-food ways, but I couldn’t seem to take my own advice. When Joey and I were breaking up, I didn’t feel hungry. I felt nauseas. I wasn’t home and I didn’t want to deal with anything that was going on around me. The result was an 8 lb weight loss in a very short period of time that was not planned.

When I saw that number on the scale I felt emotions on both sides of the fence. I thought to myself “Ashley, you really need to take care of yourself and get back to eating healthily. You can’t go on like this and your body doesn’t deserve to be treated this way.” The other part of me said “Wow, that is the lowest number you’ve ever seen on the scale”

Yikes.

After losing 35 lbs and maintaining my weight for nearly three years, there I was back in the numbers game with the scale. A game that I was losing miserably, but should never have been played in the first place.

When things calmed down a little bit, I decided that I needed to make a change and obviously gain back some weight. To do this, I decided it would be a great idea to eat whatever I wanted. I ate chocolate. I ate cookies. I snacked on everything. My meals were fairly okay and I was still eating in my gluten free vegan way, but I was consuming way more food than I needed and waaaaaaaay too many treats!! In combination with lack of physical activity and a bit of self sabotage, I gained back the 8 lbs I had lost and then some. As a result of my reckless behaviour, I was no longer at a weight that I felt good about and it had a lot to do with the number that was staring back at me on the scale. Even though I was still below my official goal weight, I’ve been obsessed about my weight and beating myself up over the number on the scale.

Last week I decided to pick myself back up, dust myself off and decide what was more important to me. The number on the scale or how I’m feeling physically and emotionally.

I’m done with stressing out about the scale as it is only causing me harm at this point. I know what I need to do in order to maintain my weight and be healthy whilst doing it. After nearly 4 years of doing Weight Watchers and three years as a Leader, I need to recognize my own victories and be kind to myself. While I feel good at a certain number on the scale, but I truly believe that it’s the feeling of that weight that I’m looking for: A feeling of confidence, strength, femininity, beauty, health and happiness. The number on the scale cannot bring me health or happiness, only I can create that for myself.

So this week I got back to basics and treating my body with love and good things. I’ve been cooking, eating properly and allowing myself some treats in moderation. I am tracking my food honestly, including every little bite, lick and taste. I’ve also gotten back to physical activity and that makes me really happy. A few months ago, the lovely ladies at Fit Chicks Boot Camp offered me a session with them which I started on Tuesday. They are kicking my butt and I can’t wait to tell you more about my experience. I did not have my measurements taken and really just want to concentrate on feeling stronger and more toned without being defined by weight or the number of inches I’ve lost.

I also got back to my bellydancing class last night after a 6 week hiatus (due to REX) and had an amazing time shimmying away with some of my favourite ladies and most brilliant teacher. For the first time this year, I was able to look in the mirror and not be filled with self-loathing.

As I was writing this post, I re-read Meghan’s “I’d Rather Be Chubby” post from last May and it brought me to tears, especially when I got to the end:

I’d rather be a little chubby, with a fuller bottom, rounder face, clearer skin, thicker hair and feel wonderfully vibrant, clear-headed, excited about life,  healthy and happy, than ever have to be sick again.

What would you rather be? What’s most important to you? The way you look or the way you feel? Are you able to make these co-exist? Are you at a place of optimum health? What does health look and feel like to you?

This is exactly what is important to me, and I feel so badly that the events in my life of late, my constant battle with weight and my screwed up relationship with the scale has ruined that for me.

I am done with stressing about the number on the scale.
I am done with letting others’ opinion of me define my self worth, self esteem and confidence.
I am done with feeding my emotions with food and not love.

I am ready to put myself and my health first.
I am ready to treat my body well with good food, activity and self care.

And most of all I am ready to recognize that I truly am more than just a number.

Chaos is the Story of My Life

Dear bloggies,

Oh how I’ve missed you! Thank you for your amazing comments and emails of the post about my mum last week. I love that I am able to honour her memory here on the blog. I am forever indebted to you for your love and support. I am so blessed to have this medium to connect with each and every one of you.

The show is going so well. I couldn’t be happier and I can’t believe that we’re in the final week. We received a great review and audiences have been loving the show. I’ve been so excited to have some sweet guests in the audience! 2 weeks ago, Laura and Kristy made the trip down from Ottawa and Hamilton to have lunch and see the show. We headed to Fresh where I feasted on a singer’s saving grace, delightful soup and sweet potato fries – yum! I couldn’t help but snap a photo of Laura’s adorable cupcake Like Hostess, only vegan and a million times better I’m sure! After an afternoon stroll in Kensingston, I headed up to the theatre where the lovely ladies graced me with their patronage the following dayThey loved it! Laura and I have been friends since the sixth grade and it was absolutely wonderful that she was able to make the trip down and see me perform for the first time in this role. I’ve happily adopted Kristy as well and I only wish that the two of them lived closer so that I could spend more time with both of them.

Some of my gorgeous bellydancing ladies made it out last Friday as well! So amazing to have dancers and friends that I admire so much come see me on stage in another capacity!

My eats have been fairly simple of late due to my hectic show/school/work schedule so there have been a lot of bowls with quinoa or rice with veggies like this green goddess inspired bowl from the Fresh at Home cookbook or this quinoa-broccoli-tempeh-hummus mix My fridge has also been fairly bare because I moved this past Sunday! Remind me next time that moving at 6pm, after doing a show while Canada is winning gold in hockey is probably not the best idea on Earth… It was challenging to consolidate a whole house of stuff into one room but everything went fairly smoothly. It was a pretty emotional day, but I’m loving my new space and starting to settle in now that most of the boxes are unpacked.

My roommates are lovely (3 guys + 2 cats) and I am happily in the heart of my favourite neighbourhood. Proper pictures of my new girly room to follow once EVERYTHING is unpacked, but here is a sneak peek… My amazing bedding from Liloo. I fell in love a few weeks ago and I knew I had to have it! The picture doesn’t really do it justice… I will have to try and snap one in the daytime. Makes me feel like a queen!Poäng chairs from our dear friends at Ikea. Special thanks to Lori for making the trek out to Etobicoke to get the cushions I wanted! The closet of Ashley… it has a light! See the Weight Watchers program materials peeking out? And the fun Expedit bookshelf courtesy of Ikea. A good mix of nutrition, acting, cookbooks, great novels and mindless fluff.

Iris will be joining us once the dust has settled a bit next week and I hope she’s as happy here as I am. I am looking forward to settling in during March and enjoying the end of my run, getting back to activity (fun stuff coming in March, stay tuned!) and yummy cooking. The boys are impressed with my canisters in the kitchen so I think I have some impressing to do.

Hope to see some of you at the theatre this weekend!! I have lots of visitors coming, so expect some more pictures. I do have pictures of the production as well, but I’m having issues with my Dell, so those will be coming down the road.

How is March shaping up for all of you??

Just Dance

After Wednesday’s feelings of uncertainty and negativity, I pushed my negative thoughts to the curb and just danced.

On Thursday night I lit some candles, hauled out a mirror and practiced for a couple of hours in my living room. I did it with the music. Without. I worked on small sections to make sure I understood the flow and drilled a couple of moves that needed work.

By Friday I felt much more secure and ready to shine. I reviewed my notes on the streetcar on my way into work (I feel bad for whoever was sitting next to me aka the weird shaking girl on the streetcar) while listening to the song on my ipod. When I arrived at the theatre, everyone was excited and our class was one of the first groups to get onstage to run our piece.

Our class has been together for quite awhile now and we’ve become very close. Everyone in that class is so supportive and we were all excited to be onstage doing the beautiful choreography that Zahira created for us.

To be honest, I wasn’t nervous.

After running it on the stage, I got myself ready, ran it with the girls and ran it on my own with my ipod a few times, but I wasn’t stressing! I knew the choreography to the best of my ability and regardless of what was going to happen in those 2 minutes and 41 seconds onstage, no one was going to die. I felt good. To kill some time, we took lots of pictures while we waited for our turn.

   Betcha you didn’t know that I have a tattoo AND a navel piercing?

When it was finally our turn, the girls and I were buzzing!! There was a beautiful solo right before us, and as we watched from backstage, I felt the excitement of the performance building inside of me. There was no turning back now!

Performing the routine was exhilarating. With all my performance experience in musical theatre, I love being onstage and just revel in an opportunity to smile and shimmy in front of people (and not have to worry about music, lyrics or lines)!! Our dance was extremely well-received and we got some great comments from audience members. One of our classmates (who decided not to perform, but watched the show instead) approached me and asked how I had learned the choreography so quickly, even though I had missed a bunch of classes. I felt so proud of myself and the performance I gave!!

What can I take away from this experience?

I love belly dancing! It makes me feel confident, sexy and very comfortable in my body, crop top and all!! One of my goals for next year (a list which has already been created) is to perform a solo in one of the student hafla shows at the studio – so excited!! I’m also looking forward to continuing class with these beautiful women and wonderful teacher.

The negative self talk really needs to go. There’s no reason for it even to creep in and make a guest appearance in my thoughts. My teacher commented the following to me last week after my amazing thought post:  “One of the most valuable lessons I learned from her was to: yes take my dance seriously but NOT take myself too seriously at all... meaning: you practice and practice and practice, and that's great and that brings you to do and achieve new horizons on your dance but only if you don't get in the way of your own growth with constant unhealthy negative thinking. We're our own worst enemies most of times, and it is paramount to cut the crap of self-bashing...”

I was talking with many of the girls in my class before our performance about this same premise, and I talked about it in my meetings on Saturday again. We can be our own worst enemies when we stand in the way of our own success by thinking and believing our negative thoughts. Cut the crap and turn it around into something positive. You have nothing to lose but a lifetime of unnecessary self-loathing.

How do you feel when you’ve accomplished something or have reached a goal? Any other performers out there? Do you enjoy being onstage?

Q is for Quinoa & Quotes

I was going to make a joke about kumquats, but I realized that there’s only a q in the middle and that it actually started with k… oh dear.

Hello quinoa.

[source]

Joey says that quinoa reminds him of little bugs, but I like it! Quinoa is an awesome gluten free seed that is actually a complete protein (meaning that it contains all 9 essential amino acids). It tastes a bit nutty, fluffs up like rice and has a wee bit of a crunch – talk about complex texture. I love that quinoa takes less time than rice to cook (usually about 15-20 minutes with 1 part quinoa to 2 parts water/broth) and I only need a small amount to feel full.

Quinoa is incredibly versatile and can be enjoyed at all meals! Most health food stores sell quinoa flakes, which is an awesome alternative to oatmeal in the morning. It cooks very quickly and is a great vehicle for all of your favourite toppings.

Quinoa makes a great side dish or salad for lunches and dinners. I recently made a yummy red quinoa salad from the Gluten Free Vegan cookbook.

Such a filling lunch! I usually have some sort of refreshing quinoa salad when I visit Camros. Delicious! Quinoa also works well in baked goods, like in these healthy cookies filled with love. If you’re a quinoa newbie, have a look in the bulk section of your local health store and pick up a little bit to try. It comes in a variety of colours, with the most popular being the yellowy-beige one. Be sure to rinse your quinoa very well before cooking. You can use it in any of the above ways, as a simple side dish cooked with some veggies in broth, or utilized wherever you would normally use rice. If you enjoy it, you can also find quinoa pasta, quinoa bread as well as quinoa flour.

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In other news, how is it going with the taking care of yourself business? What have you done for yourself this week?

I’m happy to report that after going to the dentist and an appointment at Red Tent Sisters I came home and had a nap, made some amazing pasta sauce, went to an awesome dance class and had tea with my best friend. Cooking, dance and good friends makes for the best therapy ever.

Q is also for quotes, so here’s one I have posted at my desk at work:

As you move towards the dream, the dream moves toward you. 
–Julia Cameron

I am holding this close as my mantra as of late. And this is the song we danced to tonight…

What’s your favourite quote?