Juicy, Exciting, Positive Intentions for 2011

This post has been a few weeks in the making, mostly because I’ve been busy with my latest show,  doing lots of PR for Weight Watchers (appearing in the Globe and Mail, Metro and on Rogers daytime tv making baked falafels) and generally finding some calm in my chaos.

I’ve done some reflecting on my 2010 goals and despite it being a challenging year in many ways, I am really proud of all that I accomplished. Here is a recap of my goals and my current thoughts on how I fared.

• Taking care of myself by eating well, tracking, drinking tea, sleeping, practicing yoga, spending time with friends, singing, writing, dancing and working out

I would be lying if I said I found this easy to do this year. While I feel really healthy and my Crohn’s is still in check, I struggled to find balance and a happy place for myself amid everything that I do. I did spend time eating well, tracking, drinking tea, sleeping, practicing yoga, seeing friends, singing, writing, dancing and working out, but probably could have focused more on eating well, sleeping and finding balance.

• Taking advantage of my education and being an active participant in my classes

School was incredible, but after I started to become apathetic about it, decided to take some time away. I was so enthusiastic in the beginning, but realized that performing was where my heart was and decided to take some time off. This has been an amazing decision and I look forward to going back at some point to obtain my designation as a holistic nutritionist.

• Helping even more members reach their goals with Weight Watchers, including getting to Lifetime

Leading up to 10 meetings each week has been absolutely amazing and in the past 8 weeks I’ve been able to be a part of the media buzz surrounding PointsPlus. I absolutely love our new program and am so happy to have helped even more people reach their weight loss goals in 2010.

• Journaling regularly, writing a book, blogging regularly and exploring other writing opportunities

Um… didn’t really do very well on this front. I’m so happy to have had my blog as an outlet, but it took a bit of a backseat in my life. Did some journaling but like my blog posts, they were sporadic epic updates!!

• Raising a minimum $2,500 for the Toronto Heel n Wheel a Thon and continuing to raise awareness of IBD through my role as Honorary Chair and fun initiatives on the blog

I raised $3,000 for the Heel n Wheel a thon and was able to raise more awareness of IBD as Honorary Chair and through my blog.

• Giving my all in my performing career through my upcoming role in REX, getting new headshots and actively auditioning for awesome roles

I’m really happy with all the shows I did in 2010, and the realization that performing is what I want to be doing with my life right now. I had so much fun with REX, got new headshots and through some great auditions, landed some pretty awesome roles. I was inspired by many things and some delightful people and couldn’t be happier to head into 2011 with my career as a performer at the top of my priority list.

With all of that in mind, I’m sticking with my go big or go home motto for 2011:

• Perform more than ever, get an agent and get paid to do what I love
• Produce the second instalment of the Ashleyx2 cabaret
• Find peace in my body image while eating well, exercising, sleeping and taking care of me
• Travel

2010 was a year of transition and change in so many ways and I believe that everything I did set me up for success this year. I’m so excited for what is to come!! I’m kicking off the year with a great show, some delightful reading material to keep me inspired (Getting Kris Carr’s Crazy Sexy Diet later this week and have already started Alicia Silverstone’s Kind Diet, Meghan’s 21 Days to Health) and getting on those goals of mine. I’m also loving this quote I found the other day:

"The hardest thing in the world is convincing other people to love the same thing you do. But the fact that it's hard does not diminish your love – it must not. You go on loving that thing because, even if it's naïve, even if it's foolish, even if it's wrong, you believe in the very marrow of your bones that you will be able to convince them, eventually, some time. That certainty, that passion is too valuable to surrender in the face of resistance. You may not have convinced them yet; you will."  

~Jason Robert Brown

2011 is going to be a fantastic year. I can feel it.

Looking back on 2010, what are you proud of?
What are your goals in 2011 and how are they coming along so far?

In Time

On Saturday I graced the throne one last time before saying goodbye to Anne and Elizabeth. This role has been very emotional for me, probably because of everything that I’ve gone through personally in the last 14 months. The week that I was diagnosed with Crohn’s, I received an email from our director asking me if I wanted to play Anne Boleyn and Elizabeth in a production of an unknown musical called REX. For 14 months I harboured so much anticipation, excitement, nerves and fear. I wanted to bring integrity to the roles and be the best that I could be.

On Saturday night I felt like I had accomplished my mission.

When I first read the REX script, I would always cry when I read the last scene. In it, Elizabeth is reassures Edward that everything will be fine “in time" and that he will be a good King. She walks over to the throne and states “Remember, the throne is but a chair, there is no danger in it. I sit on it, and live!” before sitting down on the throne which is lit with incredibly golden light, prophesising her 50 year reign as Queen.  It is a moment of comfort for Edward, but also Elizabeth herself, as if to say hold on, your moment is just around the corner. Without the fear she is able to live life to the fullest and hold out for her time to rule. Before the final scene on Saturday night I realized that it was the last time I would be performing the role and embodying these characters I had lived, breathed, hated and loved for so long. In many ways this show couldn’t have come at a better time, as it was filled with so much personal growth and development for me: I left my job, started doing more of what I love with school and Weight Watchers, ended my relationship and moved out on my own. On Saturday I was reassuring myself when I sang the words “you’ll see in time, you’ll know in time, you’ll change in time and grow in time, it will help you do what you must, if you put your faith and trust in time”. I felt my lip start to quiver as the words came out of my mouth, which turned into full out tears whilst on the throne and continued to manifest as sobs during the bows and the time with the cast that followed. I am looking to the days, weeks and months ahead of me with anticipation and excitement. I know that all this movement in my life is going to bring great things my way and I am confident in all the decisions I have made of late. I am very proud of the work that I have put into this show and am looking ahead to my next acting challenge, whatever that may be. I feel secure in my development as a performer and have a renewed sense of joy for my craft. That being said, now that the show is over, I’m looking forward to getting back to taking care of me. I have some emotions that I need to face and compute and a lot of self care that needs to be done. Later in the week, I’m going to talk about some of the battles and personal demons I’ve been fighting of late. I’m thrilled to really settle into my new life and place and fully live in this present moment. It’s a good place to be.

Pictures from backstage antics on closing night – will post pictures from the production very soon!

Chaos is the Story of My Life

Dear bloggies,

Oh how I’ve missed you! Thank you for your amazing comments and emails of the post about my mum last week. I love that I am able to honour her memory here on the blog. I am forever indebted to you for your love and support. I am so blessed to have this medium to connect with each and every one of you.

The show is going so well. I couldn’t be happier and I can’t believe that we’re in the final week. We received a great review and audiences have been loving the show. I’ve been so excited to have some sweet guests in the audience! 2 weeks ago, Laura and Kristy made the trip down from Ottawa and Hamilton to have lunch and see the show. We headed to Fresh where I feasted on a singer’s saving grace, delightful soup and sweet potato fries – yum! I couldn’t help but snap a photo of Laura’s adorable cupcake Like Hostess, only vegan and a million times better I’m sure! After an afternoon stroll in Kensingston, I headed up to the theatre where the lovely ladies graced me with their patronage the following dayThey loved it! Laura and I have been friends since the sixth grade and it was absolutely wonderful that she was able to make the trip down and see me perform for the first time in this role. I’ve happily adopted Kristy as well and I only wish that the two of them lived closer so that I could spend more time with both of them.

Some of my gorgeous bellydancing ladies made it out last Friday as well! So amazing to have dancers and friends that I admire so much come see me on stage in another capacity!

My eats have been fairly simple of late due to my hectic show/school/work schedule so there have been a lot of bowls with quinoa or rice with veggies like this green goddess inspired bowl from the Fresh at Home cookbook or this quinoa-broccoli-tempeh-hummus mix My fridge has also been fairly bare because I moved this past Sunday! Remind me next time that moving at 6pm, after doing a show while Canada is winning gold in hockey is probably not the best idea on Earth… It was challenging to consolidate a whole house of stuff into one room but everything went fairly smoothly. It was a pretty emotional day, but I’m loving my new space and starting to settle in now that most of the boxes are unpacked.

My roommates are lovely (3 guys + 2 cats) and I am happily in the heart of my favourite neighbourhood. Proper pictures of my new girly room to follow once EVERYTHING is unpacked, but here is a sneak peek… My amazing bedding from Liloo. I fell in love a few weeks ago and I knew I had to have it! The picture doesn’t really do it justice… I will have to try and snap one in the daytime. Makes me feel like a queen!Poäng chairs from our dear friends at Ikea. Special thanks to Lori for making the trek out to Etobicoke to get the cushions I wanted! The closet of Ashley… it has a light! See the Weight Watchers program materials peeking out? And the fun Expedit bookshelf courtesy of Ikea. A good mix of nutrition, acting, cookbooks, great novels and mindless fluff.

Iris will be joining us once the dust has settled a bit next week and I hope she’s as happy here as I am. I am looking forward to settling in during March and enjoying the end of my run, getting back to activity (fun stuff coming in March, stay tuned!) and yummy cooking. The boys are impressed with my canisters in the kitchen so I think I have some impressing to do.

Hope to see some of you at the theatre this weekend!! I have lots of visitors coming, so expect some more pictures. I do have pictures of the production as well, but I’m having issues with my Dell, so those will be coming down the road.

How is March shaping up for all of you??

If I’m Banished From Court, He’s Coming With Me

Thursday was quite possibly one of the best days of my entire life.

In November 2008,  I received an email from the artistic director of the company I often work with, telling me about a show he had recently been granted the rights to. He went on to say that the show hadn’t been done since it was done on broadway, and having just read The Other Boleyn Girl and watching The Tudors, I was thrilled to learn that the show was REX, a musical based on the life of Henry VIII. He said that after listening to the score and reading the script, I was the only person that came to mind for the dual role of Anne Boleyn and Elizabeth. After reading the email, I started crying at my desk. It sounded like such an amazing opportunity and I felt so blessed to be considered for such a prestigious show and role.

Last week was absolutely insane with tech as we moved into the theatre and the anticipation of opening night was building. 14 months of waiting, pressure and expectations were weighing down on me for the first few days of the week. I don’t know what came over me, but the negative self talk kicked in. Why do I do this to myself?? I think my head started spinning around the time that someone said that Anne/Elizabeth was the role of a lifetime and I realized that the director had sent me 27 notes on my previous nights’ performance.

I knew that I needed to rid myself of the negative BS, so I did a couple of things:

• Talked to some other people about my fears, pressure and expectations who helped me to see that they were not rooted in reality and were really just demons in my own head
• Wrote out my judgements and fears in my journal
• Wrote out a letter to myself, turning around all of the negative thoughts and assuring myself that I would be fantastic

When opening night came around, I was ready to rock that role.

I spent the day mentally preparing, drinking lots of water and enjoyed a singer’s saving grace juice at home Delicious pear-pineapple-ginger with cloves and liquorice extract that was warm and soothing for my throat. Everyone’s energy was running high, especially since we had an extra special guest in attendance: Sheldon Harnick. We knew for a long time that Mr. Harnick was due to be in the audience on opening night, but fearing a Waiting for Guffman moment, I tried to downplay it in my mind.

On Thursday, everything came together seamlessly. I felt so good about my performance during the show. I nailed my 27 notes (and many others that I had received), felt great about my acting choices and moments and was confident in my songs. My intention was there and I could feel the characters running through my veins.

Best of all, Mr. Harnick loved it. He was so gracious and excited to be seeing his show performed after not really being done since it was done on Broadway in the 70’s. I had the pleasure of speaking with him after the show, when he told me that he loved me in both roles, that I had a beautiful voice and that he was incredibly moved by the last scene in the show, where it is projected that Elizabeth with go on to be Queen.

I was speechless. Yes, me, speechless.

I was wandering around high on this incredible performance energy and the knowledge that the man who wrote the show (and many others including Fiddler on the Roof) thought I was fantastic in the role and that I had a beautiful voice. I was left basically speechless and began communicating using squeals and other high pitched sounds in place of words.

I was so lucky to have the chance to chat with Mr. Harnick about the show, past experiences and life in general. We talked about school and future plans and he joked that if I was banished from court, he was coming with me. Like a true musical theatre nerd, I even had him sign my Fiddler on the Roof cast recording. At the end of the night when we were saying goodbye, he held out his arms to me and said “May I?” I could have died, right then and there.

All of the negative self talk and self loathing punishment that I subjected myself to was all for naught. It’s amazing what we can convince ourselves of. I have heard so much positive feedback on this show and my performance and feel really proud of my efforts and all the work that I have put in. Being offered this role was such a gift and being given the chance to perform for Sheldon Harnick has left me feeling so blessed. It is such a joy to portray such strong and influential women, and I am so grateful for this amazing opportunity. I’m still riding high on cloud nine and am looking forward to the next two weeks of this run of this life changing show.

My Life as an Actor, Part 1

While ya’ll were celebrating Valentine’s Day and/or Family Day, I was moving into the theatre, running around in a hoop skirt and basking in the glory of stage lights. There I am, yesterday, dressed as Anne Boleyn, enjoying the sight of my name on a poster between songs. REX opens on Thursday and I am thrilled to be on stage once again.

Between rehearsals, school and Weight Watchers, I’ve been catching up with friends and having some much needed Ashley time. This included attending a great WW meeting with Lindsay on Wednesday and hitting the gym for a fabulous Bodyflow class, taking long walks on Thursday and Friday (in the sunshine), seeing the movie Valentine’s Day with a good friend on V-Day and enjoying some tea, good music and school reading on Friday afternoon in the Annex. On Friday night, the lovely Lindsay had me over for supper where she made gluten free pita with baked falafels. The full spreadWhich all came together to form a happy gluten free vegan falafel pizza It was delicious! The pitas were really yummy, and not just because I haven’t eaten a pita in close to a year. They were earthy, chewy and very pita-like. I loved the falafels and the assortment of veggies. I found myself picking at pitas with sauce once my pizza had been devoured. For dessert I headed to LPK’s Culinary Groove, which did not disappoint Ah yes, you are reading that sign correctly: Gluten free, vegan chocolate Boston cream cakes. I would also call them “chocolate perfection in cupcake form”
Moist, chocolaty cake with creamy, rich, decadent chocolate frosting filled with a smooth, silky cream with a hint of citrusOk, so I might have enjoyed the cupcake a little too much… but it was honestly a little piece of chocolate heaven and a perfect way to end off a stellar meal!

The rest of my time has been spent at the theatre. I can’t wait for us to have an audience! Having warm bodies to play to is going to give us the energy we need to take this performance to the next level. Over the next couple of weeks I will be documenting my adventures at the theatre (and otherwise) as I work to give a fantastic performance and maintain my sanity in the process. I’m looking forward to some special visitors to the show, yummy meals and two back to back Friday massages.

Part of the reason I love being an actor is all the fun I get to have playing dress up. For that reason, I leave you with a couple candid backstage photos of some of my beautiful costumes (and super fun wigs). More pictures to come later in the week!