Just Dance

After Wednesday’s feelings of uncertainty and negativity, I pushed my negative thoughts to the curb and just danced.

On Thursday night I lit some candles, hauled out a mirror and practiced for a couple of hours in my living room. I did it with the music. Without. I worked on small sections to make sure I understood the flow and drilled a couple of moves that needed work.

By Friday I felt much more secure and ready to shine. I reviewed my notes on the streetcar on my way into work (I feel bad for whoever was sitting next to me aka the weird shaking girl on the streetcar) while listening to the song on my ipod. When I arrived at the theatre, everyone was excited and our class was one of the first groups to get onstage to run our piece.

Our class has been together for quite awhile now and we’ve become very close. Everyone in that class is so supportive and we were all excited to be onstage doing the beautiful choreography that Zahira created for us.

To be honest, I wasn’t nervous.

After running it on the stage, I got myself ready, ran it with the girls and ran it on my own with my ipod a few times, but I wasn’t stressing! I knew the choreography to the best of my ability and regardless of what was going to happen in those 2 minutes and 41 seconds onstage, no one was going to die. I felt good. To kill some time, we took lots of pictures while we waited for our turn.

   Betcha you didn’t know that I have a tattoo AND a navel piercing?

When it was finally our turn, the girls and I were buzzing!! There was a beautiful solo right before us, and as we watched from backstage, I felt the excitement of the performance building inside of me. There was no turning back now!

Performing the routine was exhilarating. With all my performance experience in musical theatre, I love being onstage and just revel in an opportunity to smile and shimmy in front of people (and not have to worry about music, lyrics or lines)!! Our dance was extremely well-received and we got some great comments from audience members. One of our classmates (who decided not to perform, but watched the show instead) approached me and asked how I had learned the choreography so quickly, even though I had missed a bunch of classes. I felt so proud of myself and the performance I gave!!

What can I take away from this experience?

I love belly dancing! It makes me feel confident, sexy and very comfortable in my body, crop top and all!! One of my goals for next year (a list which has already been created) is to perform a solo in one of the student hafla shows at the studio – so excited!! I’m also looking forward to continuing class with these beautiful women and wonderful teacher.

The negative self talk really needs to go. There’s no reason for it even to creep in and make a guest appearance in my thoughts. My teacher commented the following to me last week after my amazing thought post:  “One of the most valuable lessons I learned from her was to: yes take my dance seriously but NOT take myself too seriously at all... meaning: you practice and practice and practice, and that's great and that brings you to do and achieve new horizons on your dance but only if you don't get in the way of your own growth with constant unhealthy negative thinking. We're our own worst enemies most of times, and it is paramount to cut the crap of self-bashing...”

I was talking with many of the girls in my class before our performance about this same premise, and I talked about it in my meetings on Saturday again. We can be our own worst enemies when we stand in the way of our own success by thinking and believing our negative thoughts. Cut the crap and turn it around into something positive. You have nothing to lose but a lifetime of unnecessary self-loathing.

How do you feel when you’ve accomplished something or have reached a goal? Any other performers out there? Do you enjoy being onstage?

Think an Amazing Thought

Last night at my belly dancing class I couldn’t get out of my own head:

“Idon’tknowwhatI’mdoing.I’vebeenawayandIhaven’thadanytimetopractice.HowthehelldoIdothefastundulationwithareverserightafterPeoplearegoingtolookatmeandthinkthatI’mnotasgoodastherestofmyclass.Idon’tfeelconfidentinwhatI’mdoingshimmyshimmyshimmyfigure8whatthehellcomesnext?Ohmygodthisisgoingtosuck”

Um. Yea.

Friday is our belly dance recital and our class is perfoming. I knew going into Annie that I was going to miss 2 rehearsals, because our class falls on Wednesday, which is typically a show night. Then I had to miss a third one because I was stuck at work until 6:30, when my class started a 6:00 the week before Annie started – bummer.
Last Tuesday my beautiful friend Krystle came over and practiced with me for over an hour. She showed me the ending of our routine and gave me the music so I could listen to it and practice before our class this week. I got bogged down with Annie and was unable to practice due to various commitments, so the first time I was really able to think about the choreography again was last night at 5:20 on the streetcar on my way to class. Around 5:35, I called Joey, nearly in tears because I had convinced myself that I shouldn’t do the recital because I didn’t know the choreography, wasn’t prepared and was going to look terrible.

Isn’t it amazing what we can convince ourselves of?

I’ve been reading Byron Katie’s A Thousand Names for Joy lately, and she talks a lot about this concept of getting so caught up in believing our thoughts, that we create stress for ourselves.

Last night I convinced myself that I would fail, even before the class began. By believing that I wasn’t capable or confident, I set myself up for failure. Does this ever happen to you in life?

For over an hour in class we ran the choreography repeatedly. Our teacher gave us some helpful feedback (mostly on poise and ensuring that we were smiling), but allowed us to run it over and over again. In the midst of our rehearsal she told us about one of her teachers. The teacher constantly reminded her students to always be amazed at what they were able to do: an undulation, shimmy, or even a simple hand gesture. By projecting this sense of wonder and amazement, the teacher advised her students that the audience would feel the same sense of amazement – almost like telepathy – and be truly captivated by the performance.

Thinking the thought “I don’t know the choreography” made me believe that I didn’t know the choreography, regardless of the fact that I had learned 90% of the choreography in class and had been able to practice it with everyone for a few weeks. There was nothing to be amazed at. It threw me off my game and caused me a lot of stress and tears. Without the thought, I am free to enjoy myself. I feel more confident. I smile more and I dance better.

This idea of amazement rings true in all aspects of our lives, not just dance or performance. We cause ourselves stress when we start to believe our negative thoughts (or project the negative thoughts of others). We could accomplish so much more if we just stopped believing our own thoughts and let ourselves be free and amazed, and that is exactly what I intend to do.

This week I will be amazing. Tonight I will drill the choreography in anticipation of Friday’s recital. I will be proud of how far I’ve come; 18 months ago, I couldn’t shimmy, let alone walk and shimmy at the same time. Belly dance is the first type of dance that I’ve ever really felt good at, and on Friday I will share that with my audience. Because of my new schedule in January, I probably won’t be able to take class again until the spring, so I will enjoy every minutes of this performance with my beautiful classmates and teacher.

I will smile and I will be amazed.

What negative thought will you rid yourself of today?
How do you feel without that thought?
What amazing thought will you have instead?

August's Activity Results Video

Thanks for your amazing and inspiring feedback on my vest post. I love hearing your stories of finding things to compare your weight loss to and seeing the difference in your bodies in pictures! I loved the visual of Kate carrying around a huge piece of 64 lb metal! And wow, Diana, congratulations on 96 lbs lost!! It's important that we give credit where credit is do and applaud ourselves for all the hard work we put into this journey!!

And I think Meghan had a good point as well, wearing clothes that fit makes a big difference. At my highest weight, I used to squeeze myself into thing and I have no idea why I did that. (The vest was a different story since it was a costume piece) I think in some ways I was in a bit of denial and did not realize that my weight had gotten up as much as it did (it was certainly a shock to step on that scale at Weight Watchers Day 1) For me, it was about getting to a point where I felt comfortable in my own skin again and I'm happy to report that I feel that way now!

Rather than just give you another post on my activity results for the month, I made video #2

Here is a picture of my activity chart:

21 stickers - hooray!
Here is Annika's:

How amazing is she??? She is WAY up north and if she can get out and be active, than those of us further south have absolutely no excuse!!

How's your September chart coming along?? Do you have anything fun planned for the long weekend?

Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons

(Quote - Ruth Ann Schabacker)

Have you entered my giveaway yet? Time is running out! You have the chance to win a Laptop Lunch or a fun "Ashley's choice" package. You have three chances to win - hop to it! Deadline is Sunday at 6:00 EST.

Speaking of giveaways... The wonderful Elisa at Diary of an Unlikely Housewife was celebrating her blogging anniversary too and I won!! I NEVER win anything so it was quite a pleasant surprise.

This beautiful fascinator is from Kerry at Ten Things. Be sure to check it out because it's full of fabulous accessories and pretty things!! I've been wearing more fascinators and headbands this year and I love them, so I was incredibly happy to add this one to my collection.Thank you Elisa and Kerry!!

I missed posting my WMR (Weekly Meal Recap) this weekend because I was super busy with Ashnaba!

Ashnaba is a group that I sing with and every year we perform in a concert full of eclectic tunes. They are a fantastic group of gals and I have far too much fun singing with them. Our concert was a great success and we even had t-shirts made for the occasion. We always provide refreshments after the show so I made my usual cupcakes and...

Veggiegirl almond fig blondies! They were soooo good. I made a couple of substitutions:

1/2 cup applesauce instead of yogurt
3/4 cup of agave instead of 1 c. sugar
1.5 cups of gluten free flour instead of 1.25 (to account for the extra liquid of the agave)

I loved them. They had a great flavor and texture and they weren't too heavy (like some gluten free baked goods I've had) I really enjoyed the crunch of the almonds and the sweetness of the figs. Joey even liked them, proclaiming "these don't even taste gluten free". One of our guests at the concert was so pleased that I had baked something that was gluten free because she has Celiac. I've come to realize that when you have a food allergy or condition, you come to expect that you'll have to make substitutions and in some cases you'll have to pass things up altogether, so I was quite happy that someone else could safely enjoy a baked good without having to worry about the ingredients.

I want to say thank you to everyone who responded to "What it means to be a part of Gen Y" post. I'm so happy to know that I'm not alone and it's interesting to realize that so many of us are in the same boat. We'll all paddle together and help one another out along the way.

Here are some food pics from the last week and a bit:

Coming up in the next little while...

• My last cooking class!! I'm so sad that this series is coming to an end but I'm so happy with all the recipes, lessons and friends I've made along the way. The last edition of "Making Love in the Kitchen" should be posted on Friday. The theme is Asian inspired & seaweed


• Another trip to the States! Lori and I are venturing across the border this week and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm calling it "Mission: Barney Butter"
  
  
• Boot Camp!! I start on Monday. Pray for me.


• The Heel n Wheel a Thon. To date I've raised $1724!! I would love to bring this total up to $2000. If you wish, you can help me get to it by making a donation here.


• My first public belly dancing performance! I've now been taking classes for a year and I still love it just as much as I did at my first class. I am thrilled at taking all I've learned and putting it up on stage for people!! Being on stage is so much fun for me and it will be great to be doing something different!

If you haven't already done so, be sure to check out my giveaway. Happy Wednesday!

bzzz bzzz

I have been a busy little bee as of late! I'm sorry I've not had the time to write.

It started with my show. I was rehearsing 4 days/week in August and then we opened the show on September third. I'm in the last week of the run and it's been amazing! We've had great houses of people really loving what we are doing. Luisa is a great role for me and I'm really having fun!

I did my monthly weigh in on Saturday and was happy to be at 128 again. I was up a wee bit last month, but still very much under my goal and I feel really good about that. I've been getting comments from my coworkers that I'm looking thinner these days, which I think might have something to do with another activity that has been keeping me busy and that is belly dancing! I started my new class two weeks ago and I absolutely adore it. Abby is an amazing teacher and I'm liking the challenge of the new level. In early October, I'll be taking a workshop with the founder of the studio and I am counting the days! I'm just obsessed with belly dance right now. Reading books, looking at websites and forums, searching for costumes (which I don't need...) It's an amazing hobby and I absolutely adore it.

At some point this week I'm going to post a blog about my topic for the week because I think it's an important one! It's all about getting rid of pesky ANTs! Stay tuned..

Belly Dancing Update

I've now attended 5 belly dancing classes and I can't tell you how much I enjoy it!

Last night I attended a make-up class with a teacher I've never studied with. It was fantastic!! There were only 4 of us there and Abby was an amazing teacher. We warmed up and did some isolations and then followed that up with 20 minutes of choreography. It was fun to move to the different moods in the music and put everything together. I actually felt like I was dancing rather than just doing the motions and isolating different areas of my body.

I also worked with a veil for the first time last night. It's basically a large piece of fabric used to frame the body and create stunning pictures for the audience. It was really neat to work with a prop for the first time and I was happy with how quickly I picked up the different movements.

I feel exhilarated when I finish class. It's a fun workout, sometimes more sweaty than others, I work on my posture and my core and the time really just flies by. I feel beautiful executing the movements and I'm really feeling more graceful and confident as the weeks go by. I'm going to continue my studies because it's been such a positive experience and I really look forward to improving my skills over the next few months.

I highly recommend Hannan's studio. I've had classes with two different teachers and both have been fantastic. They have three studios in the GTA. I think belly dancing could be a really fun experience for many women and a really interesting, unique way to be active!

Intro to Bellydancing

Tonight I participated in my first belly dancing class at Hannan's and it was amazing!! Our teacher Robyn was amazing and stunning and really broke everything down for everyone in the class. She encouraged questions and had a lovely demeanor that made the class breeze by!

Our class is small (only 7 of us) which allowed us all to have individualized attention paid to us and gave us lots of room to shimmy and shake! We worked on a bunch of individual movements and Robyn showed us how/why the movement happened and then we worked on it and added to it to super fun music.

It was a moderate workout and I think the temperature of the room really helped - it felt like I was doing hot yoga! Apparently the air conditioning was on, but the only time I felt it was when I was lying on the floor during the final cool down/stretch.

I'm really looking forward to the coming weeks of this class and I'm pretty sure I'll sign up for more once this initial class is done.