To the motherless daughters on Mother's Day

Friday, May 6, 2016

Ah, Mother's Day. Here we are again for another year.

I was in a bit of a funk last week - things were busy at work, I was hustling in my coaching business and I just didn't feel like I had any downtime. I felt burnt out for the first time in awhile. And then I also realized that the halo of Mother's Day was shining down on me, and my feelings made even more sense.

I'm always hyper-aware of Mother's Day and how quickly the cards and flowers and mentions pop up after Easter. Part of me thinks "shouldn't every day be Mother's Day?" With my mom being gone 18 years, I think that's how I feel.

I was reading an article about Michelle McNamara's death yesterday and something her daughter said really stuck with me: “When your mom dies you’re the best memory of her. Everything you do and say is a memory of her.”

I've often said that I am the person I am now because of my mom's life and her death. Losing her at 13 took my life on a different course and things turned out a bit differently than perhaps I envisioned. A family member recently told me that I looked like her - which I took as a huge compliment and was also a bit hard to hear.

To the other motherless daughters - I feel you.

And I'm right here with you amid the greeting cards and flowers and brunches and plans and ridiculous email subject lines. As a motherless daughter you know that even a phone call would mean the world. For us, every day is a version of mother's day - and we carry it heavy in our hearts.

I keep waiting for the year that Mother's Day will just pass like any other day in the year. Here we are at number 18 and I haven't gotten there yet.

My best suggestions for managing the day include making nice plans for yourself - with someone special, a friend, another maternal figure or just on your own. Make yourself a priority and be kind to yourself. You may be fine, you may not be -- and that's totally ok. Feelings

Find a way to honour your mom -- maybe through journalling, visiting a special place or even just talking about her. Sharing memories of my mom is one of my very favourite things. There are so many people who are now a part of my life who didn't get the chance to know her, and so just talking about her is very important to me.

You're not alone in your experience and we motherless daughters and those who feel sadness on this day need to stick together.

As I wrote in the above card in 1993, "you're a very special part of our lives and you'll always hold a very special place in our hearts". Little did I know how true that sentiment would truly be as the years went on.

So here we are.

Being a constant memory of my mom. And holding onto any and every memory I have of her for dear life. Sunday will pass and Monday will be a brand new day.

More posts on Mother's Day (2011, 2012, 2013)

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