Remember That Time I used to Blog? Well, Here’s an Update…

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Long time, no see.

Last week I started to repost some of my posts from Crohn’s Week last year. In the 2 years since my diagnosis, so much has changed and it was great to recount the story of my diagnosis. I started to prepare the latter half of the Crohn’s weeks posts for you, but realized that many of them were less accurate and relevant than they were this time last year so I decided against it.

I’ve been supremely busy this month and a lot of it has had to do with being in transition and making lots of changes in my life. I really thought that when I quit my job last year, I had figured out what I wanted to be doing in my life and had developed a formula for my perfect pie of life. I’ve come to realize over the course of the last year that this year was much more of a transition year than a destination than I had previously thought.

This year, I’ve had some amazing opportunities in the performing world. Through REX, my first Fringe show, the Ashley cabaret, other performances and auditions I’ve really realized that performing is what I wish I could do all the time. I feel alive onstage and nothing else fills me with the same energy, passion and love. Don’t get me wrong… Weight Watchers is still amazing and I’m having a blast leading 9 meetings a week, but it’s just not what I want to be doing forever.

This realization meant that some things in my life needed to change, so I decided to take some time off school. In my last class, I really wasn’t giving it my all and that really isn’t like me. I knew that I was going to have November off based on class availability, but after some soul searching and a lot of tears I decided that my heart really wasn’t there and the best decision would be to take some time off.

Leaving school was incredibly hard and I felt like a really big failure. I felt like I had made all of these life changes in order for me to go to school and then was going to cop out by leaving my program. I went back and forth for awhile, but knew what I needed to do after I started bawling when my grandmother asked me the question “Are you happy?” in a conversation over the phone.

Leaving school has allowed me to place greater emphasis on my performing career which has been really great. I’ve been doing lots of singing (including a performance at a celebration of Danielle’s life), enjoyed a great run of RENT155301_461098997329_510602329_6102264_5907459_nand after a few auditions and callbacks, I scored the lead in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (so excited!!). I have some other auditions coming up in the next couple of weeks and am looking to sign with an agent as well. Things are really coming into place and I couldn’t be happier.

With all that has been going on, I’ve really been struggling with my eating and my weight. I’m still happily gluten free and vegan (with my Crohn’s still lying low!!), but just haven’t had the time to eat at home, prepare meals, exercise or go grocery shopping. Since getting to goal in 2007, I have comfortably maintained my weight with some ups and downs along the way. I’ve talked about maintenance as well my own struggles, feelings and emotions more than ever this year and I’ve really felt it in the last couple of months. After 2 huge breakdowns with my Weight Watchers manager and personal trainer, I finally feel like I’m in control of the situation again. The reality is that I’ve gained a few pounds and do not feel good about it. I’m eating well and exercising and feel confident that I can regain that good feeling I once had. I know that my hard work is going to pay off and I’m really excited.

I feel like blogging and blog-reading has really taken a back seat in my life and am working on making it come back! I would love to post some meals, some reviews and my thoughts on the new Weight Watchers plan (which launches in Canada next week!!) The holidays are just around the corner and I would love to do some blogging on preparing for the holidays as well. Despite not being in school, I feel like time to myself is less than ever, but am working on achieving a balance of everything.

I look back at where I was this time last year and am so amazed at all the changes that my life has undergone. I’m not exactly where I thought I would be, but I’m a much happier person, which is all that I can ask for. I’m so excited for 2011 and all of its potential!!


Trish said...

Ash - you go, Girl. The gift of happiness comes in many different wrappings. Today is not forever so as long as you remain open to the possibility of change, there is no telling what exciting paths your life can take. Acting, singing, school,coaching, teaching, presenting, living, loving, laughing -- it's all there at your fingertips. Just enjoy it!

Thinking of you - Trish

Anonymous said...

Yay you're back!
Beautiful post, I really admire your honesty.
Really great quote, you probably know it :)...“There is no better time than right now to be happy.Happiness is a journey, not a destination.So work like you don't need money.Love like you've never been hurt, and, Dance like no one's watching...”

Hayley said...

All we can ever do is make the decisions that are right for us! No matter what, it is most important that we are doing things that fulfill us and make us happy. Good for you for not being afraid to make changes and do what you love, instead of sticking with something that didn't feel right. You deserve to have the best, happiest life possible :)

Anonymous said...

is points plus the reason why you gained? just curious, i'm wary to start the new program. why fix what already works?

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