If you were alive, I think you might smack me for announcing that it was your 50th birthday right here on the blog. I wonder if we would have had another surprise party for you, like the one that we had sometime in the early 90’s. I remember playing DJ that night and getting really excited when we played the NKOTB birthday song for you. I think you would have looked good for your age and it would have been a ton of fun to celebrate such a milestone with you.
I posted a picture of us on facebook this week. It was the one taken at Brenda’s wedding when you were wearing that fuchsia taffeta dress and (as someone pointed out) a flower in your hair. People commented on how beautiful you were and how much I look like you. It’s always so flattering when people say that I look like you, because you were stunning, but at the same time it’s hard to hear it too. I wish you were around now so we could compare our resemblance.
I wrote a list this week of all the things I wish I could talk to you about. I’m so lucky to have so many amazing people in my life to talk to, but there is always part of me that wishes I could get that call from you where I could ask your opinion on decisions I need to make or make you laugh with some of my outrageous stories or have you comfort me in the times I need you most. I’ve felt so manic this week due to everything that’s been going on lately, good and bad, and of course today.
Every year I tell myself that I’m going to be fine. November pops up and I decide that the 11th is going to be just another day and that I will reflect on the good memories we had together, rather than your death and continue moving forward. Maybe it would be easier if it wasn’t Remembrance Day because every single poppy reminds me of you and this year it’s even more in my face since it’s 11-11-11. Yah sure it’s “just another day”, but it’s your day and I know that I’ll never forget that.
Ash and I had our third cabaret a few weeks ago, and the theme was people/things that inspire us. While I had sang it at our birthday cabaret, I knew that I needed to sing this song again for you. In our short time together, your existence has inspired me to be the person that I am today and I feel incredibly blessed for the 13 years we had together.
I can’t think of a better gift to give you on your 50th birthday than a song that reminds you of my love. I wish you were here for me to tell you myself.
Happy birthday mum. I love you.