As I've worked on getting my new show together, I've been thinking a lot about my mom. I did an interview about the show a couple of weeks ago and the interviewer asked me what my mom was like. I hate the fact that as time goes on, I find it more and more difficult to answer this question. In the years that she's been gone, I've worked hard to hold on for dear life to the memories I do have of her, but realize that they're assembled more like an abstract painting than a photograph; Some things about her are blurry and others are fading entirely. I try desperately to hold on to the sound of her voice or her laugh, but worry that as time goes on they will disappear completely.
I often think about what she would be like now if she were still around. Would she still wear high-waisted jeans and have epic hair? What kind of music would she like? I think my mom would have liked some of the incredible female artists that I listen to including Feist, Adele, Amy Winehouse, and Florence and the Machine which is how Cosmic Love found its way into the set list. I think the epic hair may have stuck around too.
I recently found myself thinking that my mom would have really liked my boyfriend (which was later solidified when my aunts met him and expressed how much they liked him). It was a pretty emotional moment that completely caught me by surprise. I don't know that I've ever really thought that about a person previously and it's hard to come to terms with the fact that my mom will never get to meet so many of the people who are important to me in my life now.
I'm thankful to be doing the new version of my show in three months as it's an opportunity for so many others to learn about my mom and her story. When I set out to do the show last February, I didn't realize what a profound experience it would be for me or the effect it would have on others. In her time here, my mom touched a lot of people, but the show and the blog is an opportunity for her life to have an impact on even more people. It's also a chance for me to keep the memories that I do have top of mind and close to my heart. That's incredibly important to me.
Today is November 11th. While my mom may not be here to celebrate her day, I'm here to reflect on her life and celebrate the time that we did have together. She was such a special woman. Happy birthday.
I'm currently working to put together another month of blog posts for February to run in conjunction with my show, The Life is Sweet Project with Angelwalk Theatre. If you'd be interested in sharing your story of mental health or loss, please check out last February's posts and then send me an email through the contact me link. This year was a moving experience for me, and I'm looking forward to having even more people be a part of it for February 2014.