I had just gotten back from a lovely trip to Ottawa with Corbin to visit some of my favourite people. In the morning, I took my measurements and Corbin shot new progress photos and I was super excited by what I saw!
In the two weeks since the last photos I could already see more changes in my body, especially in my waist, stomach and shoulders and was down inches as well! It was a testament to my hard work and seeing the changes in my body was really encouraging.
I got down to doing my Fit Test and KILLED IT. Increased in 7/8 exercises and saw huge change from where I started 5 weeks ago.
Then I pushed play on my first Month 2 workout, "Max Interval Circuit". As soon as I turned it on I knew there was going to be a problem, as the workout was an hour long. I had just worked my tail off over the last 25 minutes in the Fit Test, so another TOUGH 60 minutes seemed unbearable.
About 2 minutes into the warm up I started crying.And didn't stop.For the WHOLE workout.
In addition to crying for the duration of the workout, I was mentally beating myself up. Thoughts like "You'll never be able to finish this program", "Why did you ever think you could do this?", "You're better off just turning off the DVD", "You're so weak" and "Quit now" ran through my brain on a constant loop. I probably did three quarters of the workout because I was crying so much (which isn't really conducive to breathing), I had all these horrible, negative thoughts running through my head and it was really hard!!
I was really close to quitting SO. MANY. TIMES. It would have been so easy to just walk over and press STOP and forget the whole thing. A previous version of myself definitely would have. The one thing about working out at home is that it feels like it's really only you holding yourself accountable.
Except that's the reason I didn't quit. Because I have so many others holding me accountable to on this journey:
My accountability group.
Those on the Internet who care to read my blog / Facebook / Twitter / Instagram.
I promised myself that I would finish Insanity this time around and so many people have been an incredible support network to help me do just that. I've been reminded that being this active on a regular basis is as much of a mental challenge as it is a physical one. It's up to me to schedule and do my workout each do. It's up to me to give it my all and push myself. It's up to me to support my efforts by nourishing my body and taking care of myself. If I quit now, I would feel like I was letting down a whole bunch of people, but really I would be letting myself down and I think that would be the toughest thing.
I said when I started this journey that I would be sharing my ups and downs, and I'm divulging this story because it's real. It's so easy when we see things on the internet to imagine someone having a perfect, little, easy existence without really knowing what's happening when the camera isn't on or the blog post is done.I could have just carried on with the week and acted like Month 2 of Insanity is a breeze. But in reality, it's not always pretty, it's certainly not easy and often there bumps in the road. It's about embracing the mental component in conjunction with the physical one, while being dedicated, motivated, determined and consistent. Your reasons for making a change or embarking on a journey like this one need to be strong and they will help you stay on track.
Looking back, I'm so glad that I pushed through and kept going, tears and all! Tuesday and Wednesday's workouts have been tough as well but I'm happy to report that there has been no crying (progress!!), just lots of sweating and the occasional swear at Shaun T. I have reminded myself of how great I felt on Monday morning seeing all the progress I've made and feel really proud of how far I've come already.
I know that the next four weeks aren't going to be easy, but I truly believe that it's going to be worth it to prove those limiting beliefs and negative thoughts worthless and to be able say that "I did it".