Stronger Because of You, Mum

onback_imissyoumorethanilettheworldknow [Source – PostSecret]

Mother’s Day is always hard for me.

I forget that sometimes and so do the people around me. Including the multi level marketing companies who send me incessant emails asking me if I’ve picked up the perfect gift or remembered to send a card or flowers.

No, no I haven’t.

And no I won’t be spending the day with my mum, thanks for asking.

My mum is constantly in my thoughts and there are so many moments where I just want her to be here so that I can tell her about the paper I’m writing, or the part I’m auditioning for or the boy I have a crush on. There are moments I just want her to be here to tell me that she’s proud of me and everything that I’m doing. I know that I have amazing friends and other people in my life that serve that function, but sometimes they just aren’t enough somehow.

Deep in my heart I know that she would tell me that the paper was good, that I am right for the role and giggle with me about boys. I know that she would be proud of me and all that I have accomplished in my life, but knowing that doesn’t make it less hard sometimes when I know that she’s not here.

Sometimes when I think of my mum, I think of a Jann Arden song that was popular for my class in the sixth grade:

I've got a good mother,
and her voice is what keeps me here.
Feet on ground,
Heart in hand,
Facing forward,
Be yourself.”

While I may not get to hear her voice, her death has given me strength I didn’t realize possible. I know that with everything I do in this life, her life is in the back of my mind, pushing me forward, giving me courage to push my limits, shoot for the stars and just be myself. 

I know that I am my mother’s daughter and that I am who I am today, not only because of her but also because of her passing. Her life has made me incredibly strong, her death even stronger and as a result, I am living my life for the two of us. And what an amazing life it is.

Happy Mother’s Day mum.
Thank you for all that you have given me.
I miss you.
I love you.

xo

7 comments:

VeganLisa said...

What a beautiful testament to the wonderful woman your mother was and the one you have become.

bodybynature said...

Beautiful post, your Mom would be proud of you.

LauraA said...

To this day I think of you when I hear that song - not just because of the Grade 6 memories, or the mother lyrics, but because you always seem to have your feet on ground, heart in hand, facing forward - being yourself.

Natasha said...

Awe Ashley, I'm sorry your time was cut so short with your mom. I think she would be so proud of you, and so proud to be your mom.

((Hugs))

Anonymous said...

You're so inspiring my dear. A true testament to turning a bad situation around and coming out stronger for it. We bend, not break.

- WW Mich

Ellecubed said...

What a beautiful and loving tribute to your mom.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for writing this for all of us who find ourselves in this situation.

I lost my mom just over 5 years ago and as you know it never gets easier. But I am so grateful for the time I had with her and everything she taught me.