On Saturday I graced the throne one last time before saying goodbye to Anne and Elizabeth. This role has been very emotional for me, probably because of everything that I’ve gone through personally in the last 14 months. The week that I was diagnosed with Crohn’s, I received an email from our director asking me if I wanted to play Anne Boleyn and Elizabeth in a production of an unknown musical called REX. For 14 months I harboured so much anticipation, excitement, nerves and fear. I wanted to bring integrity to the roles and be the best that I could be.
On Saturday night I felt like I had accomplished my mission.
When I first read the REX script, I would always cry when I read the last scene. In it, Elizabeth is reassures Edward that everything will be fine “in time" and that he will be a good King. She walks over to the throne and states “Remember, the throne is but a chair, there is no danger in it. I sit on it, and live!” before sitting down on the throne which is lit with incredibly golden light, prophesising her 50 year reign as Queen. It is a moment of comfort for Edward, but also Elizabeth herself, as if to say hold on, your moment is just around the corner. Without the fear she is able to live life to the fullest and hold out for her time to rule. Before the final scene on Saturday night I realized that it was the last time I would be performing the role and embodying these characters I had lived, breathed, hated and loved for so long. In many ways this show couldn’t have come at a better time, as it was filled with so much personal growth and development for me: I left my job, started doing more of what I love with school and Weight Watchers, ended my relationship and moved out on my own. On Saturday I was reassuring myself when I sang the words “you’ll see in time, you’ll know in time, you’ll change in time and grow in time, it will help you do what you must, if you put your faith and trust in time”. I felt my lip start to quiver as the words came out of my mouth, which turned into full out tears whilst on the throne and continued to manifest as sobs during the bows and the time with the cast that followed. I am looking to the days, weeks and months ahead of me with anticipation and excitement. I know that all this movement in my life is going to bring great things my way and I am confident in all the decisions I have made of late. I am very proud of the work that I have put into this show and am looking ahead to my next acting challenge, whatever that may be. I feel secure in my development as a performer and have a renewed sense of joy for my craft. That being said, now that the show is over, I’m looking forward to getting back to taking care of me. I have some emotions that I need to face and compute and a lot of self care that needs to be done. Later in the week, I’m going to talk about some of the battles and personal demons I’ve been fighting of late. I’m thrilled to really settle into my new life and place and fully live in this present moment. It’s a good place to be.
Pictures from backstage antics on closing night – will post pictures from the production very soon!